Fighting myself

Struggling to overcome trauma from my past, move forward and be free. After highschool (I'm now years beyond highschool) a lot of people left me, like A LOT...it felt like everyone since I had a lot of close friends and acquaintances and they were basically no more once I started college. I still till this day couldn't understand why, but it really got to me and messed with my self confidence. I am a naturally very confident, don't care what people think and extroverted person. However, since high school I feel like I've changed and been more hesitant in being myself and very critical if I mess up or act less than perfect. It really sucks and now I feel like I fight myself to be myself, give people my all or true self for fear of being hurt or rejected again. If someone likes me, as a friend usually or whatever else, I find ways to distrust it or sabotage the potential relationship. Sometimes I underdo it by barely showing interest, expressing disinterest and/or being extremely mysterious or I overdo it by being way too over the top, overthinking and/or being ackward (which I natural am not)... Idk, I could say more but that's a good gist. Just need some advice on how to love myself better, be myself and get past whatever this funk I've been in is. The closest people to my are my intimate family members, which I am grateful for, but I don't really have any friends. It breaks my heart deeply.