Getting out of an abusive relationship
Hello listeners. I have found a lot of help here, which is why I want some advice on how to help a friend now.
A very close friend of mine has been in a psychologically abusive relationship for over 3 years now. Her partner has unsolicited pictures of her and constantly threatens to release them to public if she breaks up with him. He also has a temper, and has threatened to have her nephew murdered, cheated on her, blackmailed her with suicide and drank poisonous alcohol in front of her to manipulate her into staying with him.
She has often told me that she is fed up and scared and doesnt want to stay in this relationship, but everytime she confronts him, he throws a crying fit, begging and apologizing to give him one more chance, and she gives in.
I care for her deeply, and have been trying to help her realize her own worth, so she can find the strength to get out of this relationship, but whatever I have tried hasnt worked so far.... Im afraid that if he can manipulate her like this in a long distance relationship, things might get even worse if they live together or get married...
How can I help her? Can I help her at all? And if I can, what should I do? I would be eternally grateful for any help I can get...
Hi there, welcome to the forums.
Hope your ok? Yeah. I'm sorry to hear about your friend I can't understand how hard it must be and how it affecting your relationship and her. Your a good friend it seems.
I can ask you some questions about this but I don't know if it will help you in your situation and what you can do but how was the relationship before with you and your friend? When did things change? When was she distant with you? Did she feel afraid to be around you or anyone and only him? I ask that so you can think answering those questions what might help you to get the support she needs and for you. It maybe seeing a professional to get your answers may help and then they can guide you in the right place. Have you tired doing that? Has there been any resources you have find what can help you get the support for you and this? I do think you should speak to someone even if your stuck not knowing what to do sounds like that can help.
That's not alot you can do in this situation but starting by talking and speaking to others about this who gone through similar like a group to help those going through it can give you confidence or reassurance how you feel and what to look out for and be there if she needs you which I know your doing. It's hard to do as it's your friend what can only do it and if she wants to do something then she has to make first step and get help and leave for good.
It's good she knows she wants help and you do too so both work together and get the help for both of you.
Anyone you have around you talk to her. Also if you know of any helplines what can help pass this on to your friend. Give her the number needed. Searching it in you area or location and look on here too. There's also a forum on here what might help what your friend is going through and might be better you putting the forum in the category of domestic abusive in there then here to get better response and you can join the community too. I hope that helps and stay strong.
Things will change soon. It does
Hugs
@TreaureSeekers3 thank you so much for you advice. Im trying to convince her to seek counseling, and hopefully she will do the same soon. Unfortunately, we dont live in the same country anymore, so its hard for me to keep a tab on whether she actually is taking my advice or not.
Still, Ill keep trying to get her to join a support group or seek therapy.
As for being scared and distant, she is usually the strongest person in any situation, but when it comes to her partner, she has a weak spot. Its almost like an addiction — she knows its bad for her and that she deserves better, but she cant help herself but forgive him every time he does something bad...
Still, thank you for your advice. Ill take it into consideration and ask her to seek professional help, because I know I am out of my depth here too..
@tsahay I'm so sorry you and your friend are dealing with this. I'd say the primary thing to do would be to get in touch with a lawyer. What he's doing is threatening revenge porn or cyber exploitation by holding these pictures of her. And yes, it's abusive for sure.
The laws may depend on where she is, so it might be best to get some legal advice to handle that, to extract herself from the relationship, etc. Good luck!!