Heart v Head
M(29) am stuck in my mind and don't know what to think or do and it's really affecting my day to day mood and sleep as it keeps going through my head. Here's the situation. At Uni I met this girl "Amy", we always hit it off we had great times, we never ended up in a full relationship due to differing circumstances at the time but we both had said that we love each other by the end. Then in our final year, I said she had to pick between me and this other guy as I wanted something a bit more. She went with this other guy. I was devastated but moved on. In my final term at Uni I met an Australian girl "Katie", we then hit it off started going out, she moved to London after uni, got a job, we've happily been in a relationship since and been living together for 4 years. She's great, attractive, intelligent, caring and weve been looking at moving to Aus. Weve now been in a relationship for 7 years and things have just started to get a bit samey and stale, just going through the motions in all walks of life. Covid will have had a part to play in that as its clearly restricted possibilities but its just a bit flat. So, about 9 months ago, "Amy" and I reconnected for the first time in 6 years, with Covid going on i was reaching out to some old uni friends to make sure they were okay and se how they were getting on, so it wasn't just her I messaged. Amy had a bf of 3 years as well so I thought, it'd be nice to just catch up. We chatted and then met up for a social drink and straight away I still felt that connection after all those years (still super attractive and smart) she even apologised for how she'd treated me and that she had been going through a bad phase at the time. We went our separate ways but both commented that there had been a connection. Few months down the line we've been messaging on and off, she's split up with her bf, she wants to be friends because she understands that I'm in a relationship and doesn't want to get in the middle of it but because we get on so well she doesn't want to lose me completely. We met up for a walk and a catch up and I just can't stop thinking about her. The spark is obvious and weve both said if things were different then we'd be all over each other but I'm in this relationship with a great girl who I've said I will move to Aus with next year. I know in my head, I've got a good relationship with nothing wrong and that these feelings for Amy are just part of the new, exciting phase when you vibe with someone. But my heart is just like, yeah but what if it could be better with Amy. After all these years we still hit it off like we have is there not something there. I'm sure i know what I need to do but just want feedback from people who will look at it completely objectively. Thank you in advance
You’re moving next year, that will definitely rock the stale phase. 7 years together is not an easy thing to undermine. I think all you need is that little bit of change which would re-ignite your connection and give you a push for more happy years to come. Amy will always have that part of your feelings, she’s the special incomplete. You really don’t know if you’ll survive 7 years with Amy in a relationship. I believe if you appreciate what you have, which is not only Katie in your relationship, but also Amy as a good “friend” without crossing any lines, you’ll find yourself in a very happy place. But be sure to give heads up to Katie if she doesn’t know, because if Amy will stay as a friend, this has to be in the light.
@MyUsernameis1992
You may have heard of "The Seven Year Itch." It's an old saying, but like most sayings, there's a kernel of truth in there. It's fairly common for couples to become bored or get itchy feet and develop the wandering eye around the 7th year together. There's another saying, "The one that got away." That's the one you always wonder, "what if...?" I think that's pretty normal. You say you're 29, and that is rather a pivotal age as you transition from young adulthood to adulthood. Might this interaction with Amy be symbolic of a final dalliance with life in your 20's?
Moving will occupy anyone's energy and attention, but moving overseas to start all over again will likely test your relationship in some ways. I think you will find out during this move the strength of your relationship with Katie. Communication is the key to any successful relationship.
Wishing you well!
