Help??
Soooo..
I (25) was in a relationship with an older man (53) ( I know huge age gap and that was something that lowkey bothered me but I fell hard for him) long story short I found out he was still very much with his wife. Yes unfortunately I fell for that lie "we are separated" .. Things ended between us of it. He still denies that he's with her to this day. At that point I just decided to walk away and leave it all alone.I was to hurt and just wanted peace in my life. He wanted to stay friends but I refused. I couldn't do that to myself
Anyways that was 2 months ago. He randomly called me 3 times last weekend but I did not answer ( I have nothing to say to him he hurt me so much) all i want is to get over him. But I recently found out he's dating some girl who I always thought he was involved with when I was with him. She's an artist ( also 25 years old) and he's a music producer) he always claimed they were just working together that they were not involved. But my gut feeling told me otherwise. So to find out they're a thing really hurt me especially because she's also young and that just goes to show me what type of man he really is. At this point I'm feeling so many emotions and I feel like I should tell his wife something. I feel angry more than Anything. Why should I stay silent? Does me staying silent man I'm protecting him?
Is it wrong of me to message her (from a fake account) and tell her what her husband has been up to? like tell her he's having an affair with the artist he is producing. Idk if that would bring me some karma but in reality I'm just being honest. I wouldn't be doing it to purposely cause her harm i just want her to know the truth. I want to do it off a fake account because I don't want it coming back to me or be involved in the drama. I'm just so hurt and can't believe I was fooled by this womanizer.
When things ended between us I was so hurt and all I wanted to do was "expose" him but I literally prayed to God to give me strength to not go down that level. And I got through it. But now hose feelings came back again. And I kinda see it differently now, if anything I'm looking out for his wife but I'm sure she knows what type of man she's married to already
I just don't know what the right thing to do is
What do you guys think I should do?? (Please be nice I'm sensitive)
So you want revenge. Don't fool yourself by "I am being honest". No you are not.
What would it bring you? Nothing, absolutely nothing.b
And you might unnecessary hurting others.
Plus, people can be separated yet live in the same house, even share things together.
You will only hurt yourself, and stay in the past.
It's also none of your business.
So ditch this unhealthy idea, take a deep breathe, and move on.
@dukeofdearham honestly I disagree with you. Telling a man's wife that he is cheating is not "revenge" and it's not a bad thing to do, if you know that's truly the case. Poor wife deserves to know if her husband is disrespecting her like that.
I would probably be sure to not frame it as "your husband is having an affair", but more like a conversation, "I thought X was your husband but I have been seeing him with Y?". I'm not sure the details of how you know they're actually still married/together when he says they're not, but you should be pretty darn certain that's the case before you bother the "wife". As this other person mentioned, people can be separated but still living together, sometimes just works out that way. Depends how sure you are if you should tell her. Tbh guy sounds like a predator regardless 😒
@sillyDuckling,
it is revenge and it is not your business.
@dukeofdearham if I was being cheated on, I'd want to know. That's not revenge, quit being so narrow minded. The guy is legitimately doing something wrong and hurting his family, cheating is NOT okay and the wife deserves to know, it became her business when she found out. If I was being cheated on and I found out someone knew and didn't tell me, that person has some blame to hold. It's a mean thing to know someone is being disrespected and turn a blind eye to it.
Hi thank you for the response I truly appreciate it.
That's why I'm so stuck on not knowing what to do. Part of me just wants to move on and forget this man ever even existed but the other side of me wants to speak up because I feel bad for his family and wife. What hurts me is knowing he has daughters my age and he is out there acting like this ..big time PREDITOR The reason why I know they're still married /together is because I saw his daughter post a picture of them on their wedding anniversary so that's when I knew I had to leave this man. But you're right the way I'd approach her is very important thanks for pointing that out
@yourstrulykay
Hi!
Reading the post, what struck out to me was your dilemma in attributing intent to an act you might take. You want to let his wife know that he's been with you and another woman your age, but it sounds like you're immensely conflicted on the "correctness" of that course of action:
- You don't want to go ahead with the plan and let his wife know, if somewhere deep-down, your reason for doing it is...pettiness (in some form.)
- You want to go ahead with the plan if you believe that your reason for doing it is to spare her future injury (and an accompanying belief that she has a right to the truth.)
I don't have a strong opinion; I don't know what the "right" way out of this would be, and in that regard, I feel like this response might not be of significant assistance. But I really admire how reflective and introspective you are. What I can say is that considering the amount of pondering you're doing on the subject, I feel like any eventual decision you take would be well thought-out.
[I also wanted to say that I'm deeply sorry for the hurt inflicted upon you. It really sucks to be lied to in a relationship, and above all, I feel bad for the fact that your attempts at finding peace are constantly interrupted by his attempts at reconnecting with you when you have expressed a strong, consistent desire of not willing such re-connection.
I'm also sorry that the mental dilemma he's left at your doorstep is taking a toll on you.
I hope you are able to find the space to take good care of yourself...]
Hi thank you so much for the response
I guess I'm a very mindful person and I know how it feels to be hurt. I don't know what I'll be doing in still 50/50 but I'm leaning towards just walking away and acting like this man is dead to me. I feel like my peace is more important
I'm truly hurt right now I'm just trying to stay calm and sane because this is to much I can't imagine how his wife would feel if I were to tell her
@yourstrulykay
Ahh, I'm sorry for the delayed response. I didn't notice that you had replied. My bad!
I did get the sense that you were attempting to be conscientious, and that you were worried about the consequences which might arise from the path you took. It makes sense that this degree of thoughtfulness would arise from knowing the sensation of being caused harm, and not wishing for others' to feel that way...especially not due to your actions.
From what you have said, I get the feeling that the position you are in feels pretty overwhelming, and what you'd like to presently do is provide for some calm and care for yourself. And if you feel like walking away now would give you that peace, I'd say that it is a perfectly reasonable thing for you to do!
- @yourstrulykay
First of all, you should feel lucky that you ain't with him anymore. Next, taking revenge really doesn't help dear. I know your ideas are very provoking but you will end up creating more mess and getting yourself involved in this even more. I would suggest, forgive (I know it's not as easy to do as I just wrote it down, but at the end you will be at peace and that's what is important) and forget. Move on and be the best version of yourself. More strength to you ❤
Yes that's exactly what I'm choosing to do. I'm so happy that he isn't in my life anymore. I see the mess and reality of things and it honestly just makes me sad and mad. I also feel bad for his family. I really dodged a bullet
My too cents are that if I was the wife I would certainly want to know so I can decide for myself if I want to say with a man like that or not.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. Thinking that another woman/women can benefit from you speaking up can help you to bring you some closer.
