Help with sensitive issue with me and my boyfriend

@freshLight64 thank you so much for responding to me.

Hi. So, about two months ago my boyfriend attempted to commit suicide while I was away at camp. (This is a sign of a person who has some sort of deep depression, the problem with this is that this is going to affect the relationship in every area. I don't know if he is seeing a proffessional, but a relationship with him will become tough at some points) He won't talk to a professional because he has a hard time talking to people about these things and can't talk to his parents about what happened. From what I understand, part of his trauma has to do with his parents and their relationship. I have a hard time getting him to talk to me, and a lot of the time he insits that he is fine, even when he is not. I don't want him to feel like I'm forceing him to talk to me, so I'm not sure exactly how to get him to open up.

He wouldn't tell me the exact reasons why, just that he felt like he couldn't deal with something from his past. (He probably went through terrible experiences in his past that are haunting him today. Your boyfriend has not process, dealt and heal from what happened in his past, so its going to come with certain struggles and challenges. There's going to be certain things you do (not your fault) that might trigger him and then he will put you on the role in an unconcious level of the person who hurt him. He also seems to have trouble expressing himself and gets overwhelemed when it comes to talking about his past) Do you have any ideas of how I could help him, since he won't talk to me or a profesional?

Since then I've tried to be there for him always, (There's nothing wrong with being there always, the problem becomes when this becomes a constant thing) How do I know when this becomes a problem? I don't mind helping him, but he tries to hide it from me when he's upset. Also this happens a lot to him, so maybe he's trying to protect me by keeping me out of it?

and even though he's had a hard time getting over it, (This is something he is going to need proffessional help that will help him heal from it) Part of the reason he won't see a profesional, is that he feels like he couldn't handle the awkward car rides with his parents to the profesional (he doesn't have his license yet, but will in late Sept.). Any ideas how he could handle this?

it seems like he's been getting better. The other day, we were doing a "couple thing" for the first time and he started having a flashback to when he tried to commit suicide. (He probably feels guilty about what happened or there's something that triggered him) He sometimes says that we he tried to do was a mistake, but he can't promise he won't try to do it again. I don't understand everything that happened in his past, so I don't know exactly how to help him. I try to tell him that I'll always be there for him, that I love him, and I'm always willing to talk. I just don't know how to help.

I helped him get through it, and it was ok. (This kind of flashbacks will happen often throughout the relationship, so it's going to get overwhelming after awhile trying to make him feel better about it. The problem with this is that the relationship is starting to feel like you are the parent giving constant reassurance and support to the children, he also has to participate in self growth and self improvement) I'm worried that he doesn't know how to participate in self growth and improvement. He's a pretty closed off guy. His family has lived in three different countries, and moved around a lot. He doesn't really have a lot of friends, but more by choice since he generally doesn't seem to like a lot of people and isn't the most welcoming guy. Problem is, I don't know exactly what happened so i just don't know how to help him.

Being a victim of sexual assault, it was a big step for me to feel close enough to him where I could do this, and it felt like I did something wrong or almost like he didn't want me, (what made you feel this way?) What we were doing was something I had never done before, and I was kinda nervous about it anyway. He said he was enjoying it, but then something triggered him (he doesn't know what) and he had a flashback. It felt like maybe I triggered him, or like I did something wrong to trigger him. Maybe even that he didn't like it, or wasn't thinking about it. I don't know exactly.

which I know is crazy. Since then, he's found out about my situation, and also said some things that lead me to believe he wants to stop all sexual acts together.(what kind of things he said?) He's just kinda mentioned things like he can't right now, or that we should stop. I'm fine with that for a while, because I want him to be comfortable and I don't want to pressure him.

Of course I am willing to support thibut I'm worried that our physical relationship won't ever advance. (The reason you are worried shows a physical relationship its part of your needs, it's very important to not settle for anything less than that because without that aspect it will be like a friendship) Any advice on what I should do? I don't want to push him into anything, but I do want to be physical. It took me a while to get to a place where I'm ready to do things like that again, and be comfortable with him. And I'm kind of excited and ready to do things with him because it was something we sometimes talked about in the beginning of our relationship and it seemed like he wanted to do things as soon as I was ready.

I shouldn't care about this, because I know I should want to make him feel comfortable, and I do. (You should care about it, what you want and feel it's also important, not just how he feels. This tells me you are willing to put yourself second if he chooses not to have a physical relationship with you, it shouldn't be this way) It just seems like suicide is such a big issue and its been so impactful on his life (We're both 16 for reference). I feel like I'd rather make sure he's ok and not in danger of trying again, more than anything else. How can I talk to him about our physical relationship in relation to his issue?

I want us to have a physical relationship, (Then don't settle for any less than this, what you want is important too) I just don't know what to do. Because we have time to work on our physical relationship, but I also want to experience some of those things now. I'm almost worried I'll miss out on my "highschool boyfriend experience". It feels crazy because we have so much time, but all of my friends are out and doing these things and its something I want to experience with the guy that I love. I wouldn't want to break up with him if thats what he decided as well, because we've both become such a big part of each others lives.

and I don't know how long I should wait before we talk about this, or before we try to do things again. Also, if anyone has any help with getting over flashbacks of this sort (I believe it was seeing the scar on his leg that triggered him), pleasseee tell me because its really become a big issue for him. (The only way he can ever overcome this is through professional help before things get worst) Any ideas of how to get him open to the idea of seeking help?

Thank you.