He used to be toxic but isnt now
So ive been with my fiance for nearly 2 years now. Things started very toxic and unhealthily but i was too submissive to really notice. He lied a alot and uses to look at alot of sexual stuff all the time. He would send me stickers of p*rn and had no regards for how anything made me feel but i dealt with all of it because i didnt have anyone to tell me something needed to change. After i started freaking out whenever i saw inappropriate things or even just remotely disrespectful things, he satrted to just hide stuff. After going through our problems i showed him how toxic he was and now thinking about his past actions breaks his heart. Hes very compassionate and loving and cares so so much about me but i have insane trust issues because of how he used to treat me. Its super difficult for me because hes so wonderful and i trust who he is now but because i dont trust who he used to be, im constantly struggling with myself. Any kind of advice/ support would be wonderful, thank you.
Im also in the agere community and he has known that since day one.. His actions hit hard in multiple ways.. It turned into a trauma. Whenever i see girls wearing too little or even just him looking at art(its never sexual anymore, other than when he watched a show with female nudity in it recently) i panic and freak out and sometimes ill become hysteric... Its been so difficult to trust him. I really need help
@Strawbunnii Have you been able to receive professional help for trauma? Here in the US, we have a hotline called RAINN that connects you to resources around that.
I personally have different views about sexual images than you, and feel that it can be part of normal sexuality, but if that is an important value to you, you may want to find a partner who shares that view. At the very least, he should definitely respect your boundaries around being sent images that are triggering for you.
He respects my boundaries and shares my views on that sort of thing now. He was trying to help me become more comfortable with seeing that stuff so it wouldnt be so harmful to me anymore but i got freaked out :c we talked more about it and he said he was being a little selfish by trying to bring in anime again but he understands now. I havent gotten proffessional help, i cant afford therapy atm