How could I love myself better to love him better ?
Hello everyone,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and because of studies we’ve been in a LDR for 7 months now.
It’s been really challenging and hard, and I’ve come to learn a lot about myself.
I realize that because of things in my past that made me feel deeply abandoned, I today have a lack of confidence, an extreme fear to be abandoned again, and this affects my relationship with my boyfriend.
- I feel really sad when he’s having great fun without me abroad, or jealous
- I can’t stand hearing him talking about one of his close girl friend and ex
- I cry for nothing when I think about small details and words that hurt me
I realize that my happiness relies too much on him now, I’m in a situation that I’ve always feared because I know myself : being in a dependent and toxic love (from my side), and I ideally I’d like to be able to be fully happy with myself so I can love him better. I also feel bad because I clearly see that he loves me without depending on me as much as I do
If you have any advice, please tell me :) Many thanks !
@IPetrichor
That's a great self-awareness 🤍 and you're right, with healthy self-esteem we have a bigger chance to be happy and build healthy relationship.
Here is Articles, Q&A and Growth Paths for self-esteem hope it can help. You've got this!
Thank you very much 😊 I’ll take a look
@IPetrichor Hello, welcome to 7cups! Indeed, long-term relationships are difficult and I feel like a lot of problems are even more exacerbated when you mostly don't see them as often as you do a regular relationship.
I find that it's amazing that you have done some self-reflections within yourself and managed to identify those emotions that are holding you back :) And I feel like, as you said, most of it has mainly to do with him being your main source of happiness that you've scrutinized every single action of his and look for evidence that he is trying to abandon you.
As for advice, I don't think I'm qualified to give one since everyone is different in their own way, but I feel like you've got the answer in a sense. You need to love yourself, but that motivation has to come from deep within and not as a way to love him. You love yourself because you love yourself. And that's that, I feel :)
I am sure there are some resources here that you can check out. For example, the link that Ouicherie has linked in this thread is a great way for you to learn how to improve your self-esteem :) All the best!
Thank you very much for taking the time to answer :) I’ll definitely work on that !
It’s true that loving him better shouldn’t be the only reason for learning to love myself ^^