How to get over the betrayal
My ex (24m) broke up with me (25f) 6 weeks ago after being together 6 years, over text when I was on holiday with my family. His reasons behind this were that we had grown apart, he wasnt treating me the way I deserve and that none of this was my fault just how he was feeling.
He has always been supportive of me and helped me through uni just like I have been there for him. I have recently graduated with a good degree and career ahead of me. He went to uni and currently works in hospitality and doesnt know what he wants to do long term but I have been supportive and tried to help him look for jobs etc. He reacted badly when I found out I passed my degree, he was jealous and admitted he felt awful for feeling that way but instead of working on it, he just became more distant. I gave him space because he said he was in a low place and had to visit his doctor. We met twice before I went on holiday to discuss his feelings and he said he was ‘confused and that Im set for life with my job and hes going nowhere. We decided to have space when I was away for us both to think about things.
Since the breakup I have come to learn that he moved on with his young coworker (18f) almost instantly and has since deleted every trace of me and our relationship on social media. I feel so angry and betrayed by the person Ive grown up with who was my first love, best friend and who I saw a future with. Hes a coward and liar and I dont know how to get over this betrayal.
@humorousEyes8864
Hey. It seems you're on the right track. As far as I know, getting over requires for you to get angry at him and remembering all the disappointment that he has been. It is going to take time, lots of time. I'm in a somewhat similar position myself. My wife of 11 years cheated on me with her 8 years younger coworker. She always worked late, so I never suspected a thing until one day I found out that each week for the past few months she would not stay late in the office as usual, but go to her ex-colleagues apartment. It's all the worse, since we have a 7 year old daughter.
It's been 2 months now and I can see some freedom in some of the days, so don't lose hope, you will find yourself too. It's a bit complicated for me, as she said she stopped the affair short before going to intercourse (but admited it was an affair, and they did some other unpleasent things) and I'm still obsessed with keeping the family together. But we have been fighting non stop for the time since discovery and it starts to look hopeless.
So like you this was my first serious relationship, and I'm trying to move on, and who knows what future brings, right? I still hope on some happy family resolution, but to be honest our relationship wasn't its best before the affair also. And I'm using this to keep myself from relapsing into missing her.
So I guess my advice is - don't just remember the good he made you feel, but also the bad times. Be hones with yourself. There was an advice in a TED talk - keep a list of his bad qualities on your phone and when you start missing him - remind yourself.
Also start working for a better you. As I said, I didn't know about the affair until 2 months ago, but I was not happy for a couple of years. I was the one taking care of the kid all the time, since she would go out at 8 in the morning and come home at 9 in the evening. I put aside my social life, my career and my own ambitions to give her the time for her to build her career. I knew this was very important for her, so I was not being happy, but still was being as supportive as a man can be in that situation. So even before I knew that she has decided that she doesn't want me anymore, I started to look for ways to make myself feel better. I lost 30 kg (65 pounds) in 6 months, started exercising more, got a lot of compliments for my new look by colleagues and friends. I guess this helped me a bit when the bomb exploded, because I wasn't feeling that much miserable and valueless. I did fall into depression, but I hope I'm on my way out already. And 2 months are a very short time for such a heartache.
And last but not least, be very careful what you read in the internet. People that have been hurt the most have the need to share the most, so often you will read very dark, desperate and hopeless articles about your situation. I did too in the beginning. The truth is there isn't a single answer and a single remedy. If you have the chance, start seeing a therapist (i'm seeing one). Each person has their own way of expressing their feelings, of reacting to situations and of dealing with pain. So try to find what works best for you and don't despair. You might not see the light now, but you will soon enough. And there will be times you will lose it, just know that if you push forward, it will come a day that you will be out of this pain. And that doesn't necessarily mean the way you want it now. It's not the future you want, but the one you deserve. ;)
Hope everything works out best for you!