I cheated on my boyfriend
Hey, so I need some advice ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have been through alot. I suffer from depression and anxiety and he has been there for me the whole time but I've done some stupid things. A week ago I slept with my best friends brother as we are growing closer and he took alot of time to listen to me at times when my boyfriend werent there. The whole thing was a mistake but I feel like theres something wrong with me as I dont really feel guilty I just feel empty, like nothing. I dont know what to do and I feel almost ashamed of myself as a person. I dont want to tell my current boyfriend because he is the best thing I have at the moment..its like theres something wrong with me. Its not the first time ive cheated im only 21 and ive grown up in a broken houshold. My dad left my mum when I was 16 and all I ever saw was fighting and arguing. My dad left my mum because she also cheated. She suffers with anxiety too and apart of thst has passed onto me, I feel like im turning into my mum and its not getting any better. Can someone please give me some advice on what I should do now? Do I tell my boyfriend?
@Jellyshamalam I've been the boyfriend, I had a girlfriend which had anxiety and some kind of depression by the time, her parents had always struggling and finally were getting a divorce, it was very hard for her, on top of it the parents didn't allow us to see each other, but since I was her only real help, we managed to see us as it was possible. She confessed it too me, but also I knew what she was going through, she cheated with her ex boyfriend because I was not there for here those days and she was very vulnerable (and the ex is a scumbag), and since I was there for her knowing all of her problems, I was able to understand she was confessing to me looking for forgiveness and love cause we loved eachother, so I told her maybe the time when one deserves the least to be forgiven is when it is needed the most. Trust your boyfriend and let him know about it, he deserves it and I'm sure he'll understand if you really let him know about it.
I've also being personally on the point where I feel shit about not feeling bad when I'm supposed to, because I even understand myself that It is logical to feel bad for something bad and yet feel nothing, or worse, feel bad when there are stupid things to feel bad about, and neverthless, feel worse than with the things I'm supposed to. But I think it is not bad as long as your inteligence allows you to identify the patterns and not fall in the sociopathy of ignoring other's feelings.
@Jellyshamalam
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I've been on both sides of cheating, and in my cases and therefore in my opinion, telling the truth as soon as possible is the best of the all the bad paths to go down. You will have to face some consequences whether he finds out from a third party or otherwise (which is the worst), whether you tell him yourself, or if you don't and you have to sit on it and bottle it all up and possibly feel guilt and dissonance for a long time after.
When we feel depressed, it can be very hard when our main supporter, often a romantic partner, is not around during a hard time. During these times it's easy to feel especially vulnerable, and end up having to use physical connection to alleviate the feelings, and just not feel alone, or as a natural reaction to feeling close to someone.
I know you don't want to tell him because losing someone who understands us and went through stuff with us during depression can feel completely devastating, and that's up to you in the end. However, leaving something like this for long can also be really damaging in different ways; it could be like a wound that never heals, but rots away. I guess a question to ask yourself is, if the tables were turned and you were the one who was cheated on, would you want to know? Would you be even more betrayed or upset if you had to find out later? Would you be able to understand where they were coming from?
I hope you will get through this, and whatever decision you come to, stay strong.
@Jellyshamalam My dad left my mom when I was about 4 or 5. My mother depended on me for everything, even her emotional well being. I know what you are talking about, but I don't want you to screw up as much as I did. My mom worked a lot also since she had 2 kids to take care of, but she mostly worked 2nd shift. By the time I got to be a teenager, with my mom gone at work, and after my little brother gone to sleep, I would have guys over. Member MySpace? (I'm too old for Facebook) I would meet guys off there too. I graduated high school, but ended up at a tech college. Devoted most my time to guys and parties. I dropped out when I was 23. I got kicked out of my apartment and moved in this shitty downstairs of a duplex in a crappy neighborhood, but the rent was only $300/mo. I found out the rent was so cheap b/c the landlord's husband was a pimp! Well, I started prostituting and didn't have to pay that $300.
My point is, I liked the attention from the men b/c I never got attention from my real father and never had that male figure in my life so I always looked elsewhere, and in the wrong places. If you start doing that b/c you miss your dad, it will not be good. Find a way to see your dad, if you want to. I hated my dad b/c my mom always said he was shit, but 4 years ago, my husband took me to see him. He is a hillbilly farmer hick, but it's still my dad. I see him now and then and we talk on the phone. You should talk to your dad.
Don't continue the cycle of the family. It will also hurt your future kids.