I don't know what to do
Hi!
So I move from home 3yrs ago to go to college and became extremely depressed and hid it with alcohol and partying. I hated myself and didn't respect myself and became so depressed that I became suicidal. I tried reaching out and getting help but it didn't work. I met thing guy towards what I would have considered the end and he started out as a random hookup and soon became a friend. Over time I developed feelings for him and we decided that I would move in with him instead of going home for the summer. We've been together ever since. But.... He has some of his own problems that began to affect me. He loves to talk to girls online. At first it was just flirting and never more. I caught him a few times and he would stop but like a drug he would always relapse. Saying that it was like an addiction to him and he was alone for so long that it just became a habit. He was always genuinely sorry and trust me there's no amount of acting that would allow someone to pull off the tears and emotions I would see in his face. Fast forward two years and we are still together and have it own place and doing great. About two weeks ago and I get a message from a girl with screenshots from him asking for more than flirting. I confronted him and he broke down and said he's cheated with three other girls and to others with sexual favors I'm heart broken and confused. I can't imagine my life without him but at the same time I'm hurting and I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?
@KaitorGaitorTx
It's a sad situation and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
I guess you can consider treating it as any other addiction. Talking to a doctor or therapist about his inability to quit that behaviour pattern might lead you towards support groups or recovery resources that help with rehabilitation. This is if you wish to help him recover and if he is determined to change this behaviour. If he doesn't want to change, then there's nothing really that anyone can say or do to force him to quit.
@KaitorGaitorTx
Let's keep it simple.
For whatever reason, your partner needs constant attention from other women. When he initially found you, he wanted you to be one of those women. Due to whatever circumstances, you wanted to be exclusive with him; but it is clear that he does not care for exclusivity at all because his constant cheating and pursuit of other women is evidence enough of that. Essentially, no matter what he tells you, you were never enough for him - And I doubt any single woman would ever be enough for him - simply because his nature is not monogamous. Some small fragment of of him might genuinely be remorseful each time he betrays his commitments to you, but in any case it is not something that bothers him enough to change his nature.
It's not about you. I'm sure you're amazing. But you could do any number of a million things, transform yourself in a million ways, and it still won't be enough because it's not about you. There is something inside him that drives this need to validate himself with the attention of other women, and what he saw in you was someone who could conveniently meet his need in some measure.
When you choose to be with him; you need to do it with a complete consciousness of his true nature. He has shown you over and over again who he is through his pattern of behaviour. If you let him, he will show you a thousand times more with a thousand other women. You say you can't imagine a life without him, but the truly frightful thing I think would be the rest of your life with him, being just another one of his girls filling whatever void he has in his identity, hearing more apologies and seeing the same nightmare unfolding every day. You can't change him, and he has no intention of changing himself...
Choose something else.
Wishing you the best!
Catz
