I don't know what to do
I have been dating my current boyfriend for a year now and I love him a lot, he makes me so happy and I feel safe when I am with him. This is the man I want to marry with, I know that for sure.
To give you context on my problem: I broke up with my ex some time before me and my boyfriend got together and even though it was my first relationship it was terrible. We dated for two years and he was really toxic. I felt anxious constantly and I turned to self harm to deal with the feelings I had. He didn't respect me when I said I didn't want to do something, not only s*xually but with everything else as well. Since then I can't do certain things in bed cause I get awfully anxious.
Anyway, yeasterday when I was with my boyfriend, we we're having s*x (i was blindfolded) and at some point my ex crossed my mind cause I remembered how he used to touch me. I felt so anxious and disgusted. I didn't want to think of him and I also didnt want to ruin the moment with my boyfriend so I just removed my blindfold so I could look at him and have some reassurance that I was with my actual boyfriend and not my ex.
I think I should talk with my boyfriend about this but I'm scared he'll misunderstand that I have feelings for my ex or something, which is a dumb thing for me to think cause this was the man that helped me through the anxiety attacks I got over my ex so he bettter than anyone knows how I feel about my ex.
I just dont know.
I dont understand why my ex came to mind at that moment but I haven't stopped feeling anxious since then.
@agreeableField5575
👋
I’m sensing you’re feeling a bit scared and upset about this.
And look how brave you were to reach out and ask for help! That’s wonderful and strong.
Relationships (and life in general) could be challenging in my experience. Is there something you could do to help ground yourself? Perhaps some kind of exercise or practice that worked in the past, that you’ve heard of or may be willing to look into trying?
I never tried anything to be honest. I don't really know what could help something like this
@agreeableField5575
Hey.
Yeah, that sounds tough.
Have you tried the counselling service on this site?
@agreeableField5575
Okay, I’m hearing you’ve never tried anything in the past that may work in this situation, and that you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know what might help.
When I’ve had moments like these I take some deep breaths. Then with the oxygen and more calming chemicals slowing me down, I ask myself what I could be willing to do.
Sometimes I listen to the inner answers I receive and sometimes I don’t. There’s no judgement on that as we all heal and learn in our own way and our own time.
Calling a helpline, writing the worst case scenario down and seeing what fear the mind creates so one can gain some perspective may also be helpful options.
Again, if none of that helps, then some extra guidance and support may be needed in the form of a counsellor, therapist or other professional.
u should def tell him abt it. in situations where u feel uncomfortable u should def never ignore it. itll only build up to something worse the more u ignore it and pretend its fine. considering he knows abt ur ex hell probably understand. dont fear telling someone how u feel especially if its an uncomfortable feeling.
I think it’s normal to have these thoughts! They don’t necessarily mean anything. It doesn’t mean you’re attracted to your ex or you want them back, sometimes we just have random intrusive thoughts. But we don’t have to believe everything we think or pay them too much attention 😊
As mentioned above, this situation is manageable with a bit of patience, time and effort.
More specifically, noticing one’s not their thoughts is a powerful and healing skill to have.
Pairing his way with one ROAK per day will keep one hungry, humble and hustling.
Any questions about that?
