I don’t know what to do .
Hey so I’m needing help me and my husband recently got married a couple weeks ago but have been together almost two years . He’s an amazing man and I wouldn’t trade him for the world but here recently I’ve noticed that I’m turning into my parents . I was raised by abusing Narcissist and every time me and my husband get into an argument I turn into them threatening him and telling him I don’t wanna be with him and I have only smacked him hard one time but never again . I always get loud and yell at him for every little thing I don’t wanna make him leave or feel like he’s not enough for me I just need help controlling my anger and my choice of words but I don’t know how to . Please help .
Hi dear! First, congratulations on recognizing the problem and considering how your actions can affect others. This is a great sign of maturity and self-awareness. Unfortunately, very often, we find ourselves repeating patterns already occurred during our childhood, since it is undoubtedly a very important phase of our life and the first times in which we begin to relate to others. It may not be easy to change, but it sure is possible by working hard. Let your husband know of your willingness to work on yourself; it might be helpful to consult a therapist, but in case you can't afford it or can't do it for any moment, I hope the listeners on 7 Cups can help you. Take care.
@helperinneed12
I am sorry to hear of your situation. It is a good step forward that you recognize the old toxic patterns and are determined to reverse them. It is a long hard journey but not an impossible one. As someone has mentioned, therapy can help you explore those emotions and give you better methods of handling anger, disagreement or conflict. It sounds like the only methods you currently have for conflict resolution lead to patterns you wish to avoid. While you find the right professional help, it might be useful to entirely stop trying to communicate when you know you have lost your temper. Take some time out of the situation to calm down and process your thoughts. It is alright to ask for that time and space to be able to respond appropriately to whatever the issue was, rather than do or say something that makes everything worse.