I had a Plan, and this wasn't it.

Hello all!
Thank you for welcoming me to the community. Please call me Rowan, she/her pronouns. The reason I wanted to reach out today is pretty simple: I'm feeling frustrated with my romantic life (or in this case LACK thereof).

I'm a 30 year old female living in the PNW, currently single and a workaholic. I've moved around quite a bit in my adult life, 5 times in the last 5 years alone, 2 of which were cross country. Normally I'm really good at building community and friendships and engaging myself, recreating myself wherever I go. But honestly under the pandemic...it's been tough! I'm unimpressed with the available lot of potential partners I've met so far in my new home, and now that I'm no longer in my 20s, I'm starting to fall into some bad self-esteem habits liking asking myself over and over "what is WRONG with me?" Why don't I have that THING? The thing most people have that creates attraction and provides opportunities to be vulnerable to a loving relationship? For years now, I've been watching my friends and family members fall in love and start families and go on adventures with their partners, someone who believes they matter and has their back. Somehow I was always too independent or too busy for any of that. I had a plan for my romantic life path, and all I know now is this isn't it!

Maybe I'm just on a soap box speaking to the void. But can anyone else relate? Wondering if someone has the great golden ticket answer out there.

Thanks for listening.

--Rowan.