I have huge issues letting people in. Please help.
hello there. i hope its okay that i came here today, i just need to get this off my mind and i would appreciate any thoughts od advice on this.
I have huge issues letting people in. Whenever i meet someone who is romantically interested in me, i run. Like i really do.
It has been like that since i got really hurt when i was at the age of 14.... i was manipulated and emotionaly abused by my back-then-crush. But its been YEARS and this is still having an impact on my behavior.
Whenever i meet someone who is genuily nice to me and shows any signs that he is interested in me, i always start to panic and feel really uncomfortable. I know that i am a total coward and i hate it that i am. I would like to be brave and open towards new people and experiences but it has been like this for years and i dont know how to break through it. The way it is now, i hurt myself by not letting people join my life who could end up hurting me....
Has anyone experienced this? Or does anyone have any tips on this? Any comment would be appreciated.
Hope you are all doing good and having a good day.
@dynamicHemlock1736
Of course it's ok you came here, always welcome with anything on your mind
I'm sorry to hear you were so badly treated by someone you should've been able to trust.
If able I would try pausing when you feel like running, and try and ask yourself if you're also interested in them. If not, go ahead and leave, but if you are, try to give them a sliver of info about your situation, like "I've been hurt by someone I trusted so I'm nervous"
If they get mad of freak out, probably not gonna work out. Maybe this way you can test the water a little bit and see how they deal with sensitive stuff.
Idk just a suggestion 🙂
@dynamicHemlock1736 Hi there. I think I can relate to you as I may have the same issue. I usually try to convince myself that, just because something negative happened in the past, it does not mean it will continue to happen in the future. Trust is an essential element in any relationship; the less we give it, the less satisfied we may be in that relationship.
Of course, you can be as selective as you want as to who to trust, but don't be afraid to take the risk when you find someone who seems right. Khalil Gibran has a great poem about this. I found it to be inspiring and I hope you do too. Here is an excerpt which may be relevant (and the link to the complete poem at the end):
" But if in your heart you would seek only loves peace and loves pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of loves threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears."
Khalil Gibran - On Love (https://poets.org/poem/love-8)
@brightPenguin4569 i liked when you said romantically intersted in me 😘
@dynamicHemlock1736
Obviously you didn't let your past go, you have old fear and pain. And you will have them until you work them out. This is job for a psychologist. I think, before that you can just write a letter for your ex on the paper or put yourself in the memory and remember the feelings and write them. After that you can look at them after a couple of hours and say or write some for 14 y.o. you. To make a difference between you now and 14 y.o. you.
Also you can try to think about how uncomfortable it is on another language. It may help you to get distance from your fear and analyze your emotions.
I don't know what is exactly going on but can you try to start with small things? Not dating and just talking a little, maybe just online for start. Just to feel that this person is not going to make something bad.
I am not a pro, just thinking it may help you or at least have some insights.
