I hope I have an answer to my only question
Me and her broke up 4 years ago because we were young and we had a toxic relationship. But shes constantly in my mind for the past 4 years. Although Im currently dating someone else but whenever I have a fight or having an upset moment in my relationship, Ill always think of her and start comparing. Its been going on like this no matter who Im being with.
And every now and then, Ill be wondering how is she doing in her life and start checking on her social network.
Im so confused. I dont know whether Im still not over her or I havent meet the right one? This question has been in my mind for 4 years and its killing me.
If someone has been through the same thing as me or have an answer, please let me know
@lovingMoon7162
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
Me and her broke up 4 years ago because we were young and we had a toxic relationship. (This is just a personal opinion, but if this toxic relationship lasted for awhile then theres a high chance you developed this powerful attraction and connection with her) But shes constantly in my mind for the past 4 years. (I can see how this probably has affected you since the memories of her are still there. This is a sign you probably didn't take the time to grieve and process what happened) Although Im currently dating someone else but whenever I have a fight or having an upset moment in my relationship, (There's definetly some issues on this relationship, specially when theres triggers being involved. There's a chance you are both triggering each other past hurt) Ill always think of her and start comparing. (This can definetly make you feel confused, and wondering why you are comparing her to your ex. There's a chance you have not felt this powerful attraction and connection with this new girl like you did with your ex, so you begin to compare her. The relationship ended 4 years ago, however the hurt and missing her are feelings you still have for your ex. This could also be your way to not get too close to this new girl) Its been going on like this no matter who Im being with. (I don't know if you stayed by yourself while dealing with the breakup, but at times this is your mind way to keep these girls at bay. You seem to have feelings for your ex and have not move forward, so dating other women will increase this logging you have for her)
And every now and then, Ill be wondering how is she doing in her life and start checking on her social network.
Im so confused. I dont know whether Im still not over her or I havent meet the right one? (Its mainly because you are not over her, and also to keep people from getting too close to you. The concept "right one" can definetly put certain unreasonable expectation on the other person, which can also be a sign to not get too emotionally close to women)This question has been in my mind for 4 years and its killing me.
@freshLight64 thank you for your reply. You have no idea how grateful I am to read the points that you wrote. Thank you again.
You are right. The connection between me and my ex is strong, we been through a lot for almost three years.
If you dont mind, in your personal opinion, what do you suggest? I should take some time alone to grieve and get over her? Or should I go for her?
@lovingMoon7162
You are welcome. I feel like all this time you have done everything in your power to avoid and distract yourself from the hurt and the memories you had with her. I think it would be a bad idea to reach out to your ex because the reason you want to do this is to feel the powerful connection, so in reality you would be looking for her to give you the love you probably don't feel inside. It's important to take your time to grief and heal while being single because it might cause you to hurt other people.
@freshLight64 so youre saying that I dont love her anymore, I just crave for the connection?
Cant agree more with you!
@lovingMoon7162
I'm sure you still have feelings for her and missing her, but I think you have not found someone who makes you feel like she did, so its where you begin to compare her to other people. Toxic relationships are tough, past hurt tends definetly cause people stay and there this powerful connection you feel towards her.
@freshLight64 you suggest I should let her go and learn to move on? 
@lovingMoon7162
I don't like using the word "move on", it's more appropriate to first hesl, find out what's making you feel this way, face those feelings and then you will slowly start to get over her. I don't recommend ever reaching out to her, unless she contacts you first.
@freshLight64 I guess I know what is making me feel this way.
Honestly, I did contact her last month. It wasnt pretty. But now with your advise, Ill will try to control myself. Its so hard.
@lovingMoon7162
I could see why you reached out her, you definitely miss her and wanted to be close to her. What did you told her? And what did she told you?
@freshLight64 I told her I want to talk to her. And she said theres no need for a talk and she wishes the best for me. 
@lovingMoon7162
Oh I see, it must had been quite hurtful to hear those words from her. I do feel she doesn't deserve a reach out after this.
@freshLight64 it does hurt so much. Yeah, I think I
@lovingMoon7162
During my last break up, one of the things that in the long term helped me was deleting the social medias of my ex. Instagram, twitter, snapchat, everything. It gave me an oppurtunity to find different things to focus my attention towards and gave me more oppurtunities to heal fully. I was no longer worried about them popping up on my timelines or looking for their name in stories. Hope you are doing good.
@graceface10c I actually did that when we first broke up but that didnt help me to heal. Shes constantly popping in my mind.
@lovingMoon7162
I was in a realtionship for 8 years. I tried dating and I would compare as well. So if you get an answer that sounds interesting; i would like to know as well.
@Rebekahwriter13 a hug for you. I know how you feel. The feeling sucks when you start comparing, you feel like no one can replace her. But what @freshLight64 said is true. Maybe we shouldnt date anyone until we actually move on from our ex. He mentioned that we didnt give ourselves time to heal on our own.
@lovingMoon7162 I'm not looking, with my health issues, I couldn't even give them affection at this point without pain
@lovingMoon7162 Hi, I'm so sorry for you.
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 4 years ago too...
After the break up, I always keep in touch with him and his family and try every way to get him back. Luckily, his mom kindda like me, so she supports me for the whole time.
During that time, it was good, but were not back together. But at least, I thought that I still had some chances.
Until last Christmas, I just found out that he already has a new girlfriend, who is about 4-5 years younger than us. It's like... we both will be graduate from the university in few years and that girl just graduated from 9th grade!? (And p.s. one night before I knew this, he was still with me in my room. So I was completely shocked...)
Honesty, I feel that it's so disgusting, but I do feel really sad about it.
Yup, during these 4 years, I tried to meet someone new too, but I always compared them with him, and even I met a really good man, I still chose my ex.
I still can't find the solution for my problem for now, but I can say that you should not checking your ex on social networks. It's really bad for your feelings. It's hard for me too and worse, even I try not to check him on social networks, the 'intelligent' Insta and his friends still tag him or show me some photos of him or his new girl and it's always hurtful for me for some unknown reasons....
So, nothing to say anymore but I wish you all the best :)
@NikaPW ur story is the same as mine...my ex broke up with me n is wid someone younger than me...but I cut off all connect with him...he wanted to b friends but I can't b friends with a disgusting person