I just need to get it out of my head
My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years. He's my best friend and has always said I'm his. We have rarely fought over all of these years, but this past year has been hard and we've been fighting more. I've tried to express to him multiple times that I've been more lonely lately and my depression is really bad. I don't expect him to be my therapist or anything like that, but I also feel like he's not very supportive anymore. He has a group of friends online that he is constantly giving advice to, reassuring them that they're doing great, and that they're loved. I mentioned it during a fight and he just got into how I'm jealous. Which I can admit, I am jealous. Not because he has friends, but because I feel that he is more invested in helping them. He kept saying that they're not getting anything that I'm not, but then tells me my emotions aren't his problem. So it seems that they are getting something and I'm supposed to just live with it because I'm jealous if I don't. He twists my words when I try to express things that bother me and flat out told me as long as he's not hurting anyone, his actions shouldn't matter to me. I always feel like I'm the villain even though I'm trying to tell him my boundaries or that I'm really struggling with life. I often feel like crap after expressing my feelings to him, like I'm out of line for feeling alone. Even when I said my depression was really bad, he just said "welcome to the club". My husband is a good guy and doesn't do much to cause issues, but I really feel like I just don't matter as much anymore. I'm not perfect or even close and I've caused issues for us as well, so it's not all on him. But I feel crazy because I don't think the level of love and care he used to provide is there anymore and he doesn't see where I'm coming from. I don't really know how to handle this. I'm not sleeping and I'm constantly anxious and upset. I just wish he could see that I'm breaking.
Sending love to you. I’m in the same boat so I know how you feel. I know the feeling of being sideline while everyone ‘s feeling matters but mine. My depression grows everyday for the littlest thing but It’s being downplay as something else and that’s the worse feeling. I wish you the best.
Thank you. It's such a horrible feeling to be pushed aside and not seem to matter to someone that should put you first. I'm sorry that you can relate. I don't wish this feeling on anyone. Love to you as well. I hope you can keep your head up and take things day by day.
Hello how are you, I hope you are doing well
considering this situation, it is normal to feel this way! It seems that you love him very much and do not accept the difference that happened between you, but in what way is it possible that this would change you? What would happen if he saw you in this situation?
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I can understand. Deep down you know that your partner cares but he can’t be perfect 100% of the time and will say things that hurt. Understand that he does need to hear what he does right so he can continue that. It may hurt him to hear that he isn’t supporting you. And that can make someone defensive and even lash out. I think forgiveness may be in order here. If you need an apology for some of things he said it may help to see if he needs an apology too. I’m concerned about compassion fatigue. If he’s helping online friends and also you while dealing with depression himself then there’s a possibility he’s extending himself too much.
The reason I’m saying all of this is because I relate and it took a while for me to build a support network large enough to give everyone a break. I have a therapist, parents, online friends, communities like 7cups, and my journal. I used to lean on my partner more but frankly he is usually dealing with his own stressors. He and my son are what fill my day and they can both cause the issue or help me through it. I prefer to have my family there to share happiness with. And if I’m having depression I let them know that their company is what helps me.
Sending love & prayers to all of you. Seems like this is going on allot. I am experiencing the same problem with my husband and I am lost on what to do (back story) we met in 2015 at ITT we moved in together after 3 months lived together for almost 2 years got married in 2017, 2 months after that he was in a auto accident that changed our lives. He has changed. (story for another time … ) present we have been married little over 4 years he was my best friend I would talk to him about everything we’d spend time together and now it’s like I am just someone who lives in the same house I hug him and get nothing back, I talk to him but he doesn’t listen like he has selective hearing. Then I tell him we talked about this the other day he says he doesn’t remember anything, I love him very much he used to call me his lighthouse but now I feel I am the one that is lost in the dark.
Need advice on how to get light on to be his lighthouse again to bring him back home.
