I just want the pain to go away
My marriage recently has just need so up and down. The highs are amazing, but the lows send me spiraling into depression. My wife has decided she just wants to do what she wants to do without taking my opinion into consideration. I'm basically forced to agree to whatever she wants or be threatened with our marriage again. I'm probably making it sound worse than it really is, but I'm just really hurting and I want the pain to go away. I'm a weak person. Ending the marriage just isn't an option for me. I would literally rather die. It just hurts me so badly and I'm starting to have problems dealing with it. I give and give and give, and it works for awhile, then she wants more. I try to have a discussion with her about things and she blows up. I spiral downward. I'm not going to let my marriage end. How else can I make this pain go away?
@Hurtandconfused86 forgive me for jumping the gun but she does sound like she has NPD! im sorry to hear your in pain with it all i know only to well what emotional pain feels like.
@withinhell I can tell you she doesn't. I definitely make it sound worse than it is. She's hit her midlife crisis and just wants to spend all of her time hanging out with friends and reliving her younger years. She just doesn't want to be tied down. She wants to do as she pleases without having to answer to anyone. Even though it is taking a negative toll on me and our son. She'll leave him throughout the day to go hang out with friends for hours at a time. She came to me a few weeks ago to discuss a seperation because she saw how much it was hurting me. We eventually came to a compromise to stay together. Things have been up and down since. More highs than lows, but my lows get worse everytime. She just refuses to take her own well being into consideration because it's all about having fun right now. It's likely a phase she's going to grow out of, it's just really difficult going through it. Anytime I suggest something may not be the best idea, she blows up and throws seperation in my face because she feels I'm trying to control her.
@Hurtandconfused86 it just sounds so familiar to me, so all i see/read is npd, we split after 25yrs wed and knew her all my life up to courting,she lost her daughter through doing what your mrs is doing and she lost me to it was divorce all the way for me, since i learned about npd i cant beleive i fell into it, it does sound like midlife crisis also, i dont want to be the grim reaper but your in for a very bumpy ride so be prepared! she wont stop at anything, i can wright a book on the things she did, im still in pain now if i let myself after 5 years apart with no contact, i know its a painful thing to hear but its either stick around for more pain and hope for a change in years to come or throw the towel in! i feel for ya
@withinhell I'm sorry to hear you had to go through this as well. I'm pretty confident it's not NPD. She is really the most caring person you can think of. She's lived her entire life putting others first and has just decided in order to be happy with herself, she has to put herself first for awhile. She is well aware that her actions are hurting others. Her mom has already had breakdowns over the behavior, as has a close family friend. She has stated she realizes there is a fairly good chance she's going to ruin her life and lose everything, but she's having fun and doesn't want to stop. She sunk into a deep depression a few months ago (with thoughts of self harm and suicide) and this is what pulled her out. I think she's afraid of falling into that depression again.
@Hurtandconfused86 well you know her better than me for sure, i htink what might help you is that your not alone and its not just you its happening to i know its not much but at least your not singled out, i really hop eshe gets herself on a more even keel before it is all lost cos like i said my daughter wont have anything to do with her mother now, i hae to her someone else having the same crap deal! i taken her for therapy and to the doctors but to no avail she was just hell bent on being selfish and quiet openly saying "its all about me" and it really was about just her, it got tto a point where i sussed everything out waht she had been doing behind our backs until i had so much evidence she blew up in a rage and wrecked our family home and the rest is history there is so much that went on you probably wouldnt beleive it, and yes butter wouldnt melt she was such a wonderful beautiful girl to start with but hey ho there ya go! but my advice is make plans now in case this gets worse then your not at a loss IF it happens, in my case i was suffering with anxiety and depression whilst she dished out more crap which was on purpose for me to cash my chips in, i found a letter saying so, i dont want to get you on edge to much but like i said be prepared and dont take your eye off the ball! i had no choice i was very ill at thje time and i got my ass slapped big time....be carful
@withinhell JUST TO BE CLEAR! this is not a hit out at the ladies men do this also im not sure whos worst but that doesnt matter what does matter is the hurt that is dished out in either case.