I know I was wrong how can I fix this?
I had the sweetest bf whom I did not treat well (my own childhood trauma, depression and insecurity issues,). I discussed this often with him and he said he understood. I was actively working on making myself better. But he said after almost 2 y that he had enough and he broke up with me. Does not want to even talk about it. Can I fix this? I do think I m improving each day and will do anything to have him back.
@neatTown9326
I'm sorry to hear.
That will have to be up to him really. You need to respect his boundaries. Perhaps you can tell him that you think you're better and that you would be willing to do anything if he was willing to give you another chance. But also make sure to tell him that you only wanted to let him know of this and that you will no longer contact him if that's what he wants. That you will respect whatever his decision is. And make sure to follow through with that.
And I guess give him time. He might not be ready to give you another chance right away. Or he may never be ready or willing to... it's really hard to say. But I think it's important to respect his decisions.
@neatTown9326
Apologizing and respecting his wish seems good.
I am sorry for your breakup.......
it is very tough to wait for others to make changes or work through things.....
I am sure he meant well when he tried to be patient and understanding....but sooner or later people reach their boundaries.
I know that love sometimes does not conquer over hurt and angry feelings.... You could try to talk with him but UNLESS he sees improvement every day etc ..... it does not work ...... i waited and waited for someone to do somethings by the time they did ... I no longer cared and frankly not sure how i would take it if they acknowledged the issue .... might help but parts of me say too little .... TOO LATE.
Hi @neatTown9326,
I'm sorry to hear that and I am glad you feel better.
I believe talking definitely helps so request him to listen to you with an open mind, but also understand his boundaries. It's important and positive step that you realised what you did was wrong.
I wish you all the best, and please feel free to connect any active listener if you want ❤️
Thanks for all your replies. All this helps. It’s hard tho.
update and dilemma: so i met him in a common activity we both go to and for the first time ever he smiled at me made small talk etc. It seemed like nothjng had happened. Now I am confused, I want to text him and ask what that was about. But I don’t know. My friends have differing opinions. Some say if you don’t text you will never know, some say if gnore him and show him you don’t care. Truth is I do care and I do love him. I thought you kind strangers may have some suggestions for me? My friend btw do not know the full story of the breakup like they don’t know how I behaved which is v relevant I think.
@neatTown9326
I think of all the times i could not decide and ignored things did not go well ..... i think life is short ASK/ Text whatever to keep the dialogue going
@neatTown9326
Alright. When you ask every person for an opinion, you will never understand the truth. See how all of your friends have different answers, and some of them (as you said) answered without even knowing the full situation and all the relevant facts! When people provide answers without even understanding the question properly, how can that lead to a right answer? So you now end up more confused than you were to begin with.
He started to talk to you again. He was smiling and showing positive behaviour. Those are the things that you know for certain. OK. Next, is what you will do. If someone is being positive with you, all you have to do is reciprocate and be positive also towards them. That’s behaviour that you control. Instead of wondering all of these other vague confusing things (What does this mean? What does that mean? Etc.) which only leads to you being uncertain and filled with doubts and confusion - focus instead on how you will behave, and do it with confidence!
Invite him to more activities. Enjoy his company some more. Be casual about it. Stop asking so many questions and just focus on the experience of doing things together rather than focusing on doubting things. And as time passes things become clearer. But only if you let things develop somewhat instead of putting a thousand questions and insecurities into every part of every thing that’s happening all the time!
You told him you’re working on improving yourself. This is your chance to make some real progress. Don’t follow the thought processes of doubt and insecurity. Question less about vague things that are confusing. Focus on behaviour, and action, what you will do and the things that you can control and understand and know for certain.
Wishing you all the best with it!
CatsInTheCradle
Thank you for your replies I know what I want to do now. Wish me luck!
@neatTown9326,
you cannot fix anything. You cannot make him love you.
What you can do is to give yourself space, and him too.
Leave him for a few months. Then reach out. The way he will respond will tell you whether he wants to reconnect or not.