I'm having doubts and they haunt me
It all started after I got a divorce from a 5-year marriage, she was caught sleeping with another man from work. She would get off work and go hang out with this guy, they would go to the movies together and the local park and have "relations" I didn't want this to end my marriage so I offered marriage therapy but she said that she loved him and that she wanted to stay with him. So immediately after divorcing I fell in love with my now fiance, the issue I'm having is we have a 6 month old boy and I stay at home with him and raise him. Right after moving in with her after my divorce, I found out that since I have been dating her she had been sending nude photos and videos to her cousin which I later found out she had performed oral on before we met. So I forgive her and several more times throughout our relationship I find her messaging other guys and then attempting to hide the evidence. It's been 2 years now and since I'm at home alone all day until around 9 p.m. sometimes even later until she gets home. I do my best not to be controlling but it's so hard when you've been cheated on, and she has a new guy on her team at work. She comes home talking about him laughing and reciting the jokes he told her at work. Even at one point he convinced her to lie to me in order to get something from me saying it was for someone else. I can't help but lay in bed depressed with extreme anxiety scared she's going do it again. We've had many talks since her last time doing it and I feel like I'm being overly cautious. But every time I get this gut feeling and ask to go through her phone, I end up finding something. I'm more then willing to let her go through mine, mine doesn't even have a lock on it. And lately since she's been working with this guy everyday my anxiety takes a hold of me and this gut feeling of her doing something wrong keeps me awake for days straight. Whenever I told her that I was leaving with our son to be with another girl (which I made up) she told me okay go right on ahead just make sure you feed the baby. That wasn't what I wanted, I only said it because I wanted her to feel like she's losing me and it backfired because now I feel like I'm losing her.
@sociableDay3908
That is a sad story you tell.
I suggest two things for you.
#1 the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
#2 this link. https://www.thetalko.com/8-things-insecure-guys-would-tolerate-and-8-things-a-secure-guy-would-never/
I get that you like her and want things to be cool. But from what you write, they are not cool. Your in a bit of a pickle as a guy that is doing the Mr Mom thing. That can be ok if it works out, but in this case it sounds like the girl is not so in to you enough to allow this non standard situation to work out.
Is there some way you can change things so that you are working... IMHO you have a low chance to get her to respect and admiration as a stay at home dad in this case. It is hard for her to be loyal if she does not respect and admire you.
Follow up questions are ok... read that book and think about the link.
Good Luck
@sociableDay3908
Well it happened. Im an idiot, she came home stressed from a hard days work and the entire (made up girl) thing became the catalyst to a big argument that ultimately lead to her choosing to stay with her coworker (Female 50's) tonight. And she wrote me a note and asked me to write her one back with everything i can think about(in reguards to how we view each other and our current standing as far as the relationship I assume because she didnt clarify) but she did say she still loves me and our son and she's coming back home. She said she just doesn't know when and said her note explains everything including how i need to change. Which is all I want, I want so badly to know how to change for her. She really is the love of my life and as she was leaving I was crying and acted irrational before she left. I know its my fault but now I have to sleep alone until I can change, tomorrow I'm taking our boy up to her work and applying to work there. Ill have our boy in daycare, we haven't spend alone time but maybe twice since he was born and working along side her will help me to understand how frustrating her day is and why shes always so tired. Along with me making even more money for our family I know this is the right thing to do. I plan to exchange our letter in the morning by surpising her at her job with our boy. (Btw she told me i could work with her if i went and talked to her boss)
Thank you guys so much for the replies, honestly they helped me. Now I just need to see what I can do to change and not be another failure as a husband like before. If you have any suggestions please dont hesitate to post them or chat them to me
