I’m really lost but I am ready to fight for my self and for my relationship but I need help!
HI!!! I don't know how these chats work (this my first time here) but I am opened and want to try getting better and talking and being as honest as I can with you and with myself. I never belived in therapy or mindfulness or things like that. I'm a really stubborn and independent yet sensitive and emphatic person. I am facing a lot of stress in my relationship right now due to the way I have become in this past year. In the last year I have gone through many pleasant and unpleasant experiences, some even drastic ones from which I have accumulated a very big emotional baggage that I have never really faced. Although I complain that I do not receive the trust I would like from my boyfriend or that we lost our "bond" and many more, I realize that I was a very reluctant and closed person. And now that I look with these eyes of "healing" at my past behavior, I realize that I wanted to receive the things I was running away from when it came to offering them. I am afraid because I feel like I have closed myself, I have become very numb and I have kept so many things in me and I have said so many things to myself that now I have the impression that I no longer know what is right and what is not. I want to be a more open person and improve my ability to communicate and react to things that happen both in my relationship and outside of it. I feel like I'm lost and I've been so lost for more than half a year and it's a horrible feeling ... but now I'm ready to change for the better, I want to change for the better, to save myself, my life and my relationship. Although I don't like to admit it, I really need help (and the neutral, subjective opinion of someone outside who isn't emotionally connected like me, my boyfriend, my mother, or other friends).
@kingri1 Hello, I want to let you know that I am rooting for you! It is very difficult to notice or acknowledge a weakness about yourself. (I went through something similar with my relationship recently). Being aware and wanting to make change is a strong start to bettering yourself and that will benefit the relationship as well. I have learned on how to be a better person to everyone while improving my relationship. I do not know your full situation on how you are feeling lost to provide my opinion on how to help specifically. I can tell you a bit about my situation that I was more 'independent'. While I felt content, my BF felt like I didn't like him. I didn't show enough appreciation to someone who was important and did not spend enough quality time with my BF. I started doing a lot more small and random suprises and honestly just checking in on how he felt. (I know this is seems very basic but this is my first relationship and I made a ton of mistakes) and I feel like that helped remind him that I think of him and appreciate him enough to plan something.
Wooow thank you! This was really helpful! I appreciate you so much just for taking the time and writing all this and honestly I am in the EXACT same situation you were so you can imagine how much this meant for me to read.
@kingri1 I'm glad to hear that my convo has been helpful! (: I would suggest to also keep in mind on how your BF reacts to certain things you do as well! Becaue everyone is different and enjoys some things more than others. I don't know if I am qualified to give advice but I personally looked at the love languages to see help to see what type of things my BF responded the best too!
Yeah but I would say in my case it’s harder because now we are in a long distance relationship and we will be another year because of his job... I think that plays a big role in this and we are both stressed and knew to this. It’s so challenging for me to do things to make him special over text and i feel stuck at that point.
@kingri1 I'm in a LDR too for a little over half a year. Our top love language is touch so that's a challenge haha. It's also been a challenge for me too because it has been harder for me to reassure my BF without giving him hugs and cuddles. I definitely do not feel the relationship is the same compared to in person, but I try my best ot keep it exciting. I do have a few ideas because I have been trying for a while, and I'm struggling a bit too. I hope these ideas can help you out.
One thing we also like doing in person is eating together. I try to sure to make it a plan with a time and day to do something so it's more like a date. Like you could cook or order the same food, or one time, I ordered my me and my BF food delivery at the same time and we will call and eat together. I have been writing more letters and sending pictures. This is a great and cheap way to receive something physical. I think even reserving a time to call and chat is something that your BF can look in advance too and watch shows (or another activity like gaming?) that you both like or what he likes. These are just some ideas, but I definitely need to try to think of a few more so it's not boring. I don't know how difficult your situation but if you could plan what and how you both are able to see each other next, I think that would be nice.
Thank you so much!