I’m the cheater.
I’m not sure if I’m doing this correctly and I’m new to this platform so I apologize if this isn’t the right way of going about this.
So, like the title says, I’m the cheater. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a collective total of eight years now. Several years ago I was unhappy in the relationship and chose a very toxic and selfish method of trying to end things, I began cheating and started a. intimate relationship with someone else. Once she found out, we broke up and we both went our separate ways. The person I was doing the cheating with and I began dating. The relationship lasted several months before I started to become unhappy and did the same thing to her. Afterwards, I spent roughly two years just being single and living on my own and trying to learn more about myself.
Her and I reconnected recently after coming back from a year over seas and I was/still am very happy in our relationship. She’s a great person and is someone who is always willing to listen in hopes of us understanding each other. She makes me happy and I know I love her, and as far a the sexual aspect of the relationship, it’s great as well and we both have the same interests.
I always began to develop this borderline overwhelming impulse for sexual arousal from other people. I don’t know why I do it and i know that I’m a terrible person for it and that not only does it hurt her but I hate/am disgusted with myself afterwards.
ignoring other people is no problem when it’s online/through text, I have no issue just blocking/ignoring the person and I don’t have much of a on social media anyways. When it’s a face to face encounter is where I have this feeling of overwhelming desire. For example, an old Friends with benefits( from when I was single) and I ran into each other in my apartment complex the other day as I was getting home and she pretty made it apparent what she wanted in that moment. As I said, it’s not even the act of sex that I feel like drives me to make the decisions, I feel as if it’s the initial contact, and the desire to just know “what’s under the dress” or just thinking about getting to that point.
it’s as if I lose focus of everything else in those moments, all thoughts, all cares, all sense of right and wrong, I’m not worried about how I’ll feel if I do this. The only thing I can focus on is my sexual attraction to this person in that moment who clearly is showing/telling me their intentions. Often if It goes to the point of sex, I just lose interest/become so disgusted with myself during the act that I fake an orgasm so It can end and the other person will leave.
I know I’m not a good person, and my girlfriend deserves better than the things I put her through. I plan on coming clean with her this week, and regardless of the outcome I just want to be better in the future, if for no other reason than to not hate myself every time I look on the mirror.
if you made it this far, thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.
The desire for self validation, and the urge to bag new game, are two things that drive the desire to cheat in men. If you weren’t a ladies ma in high school, then you’ll always try to compensate in adulthood. That explains the self validation bit.
The urge to bag new game, the hunting extinct, is evolutionary.
Neither makes you a bad person. Judged by the standards of certain primitive societies, both you and your girlfriend engage in premarital sex, and are to be condemned. If that doesn’t bother you, then why should the concept of “cheating is bad”?
Because if you ask me, the problem with cheating is not being non-monogamous, but the lying and hurting someone you supposedly love. But that’s not what’s driving your guilt. Your guilt seems to be stemming from associations of polygamy with sin and all that nonsense.
Anyway, based on your post, it would appear to me that you are likely to go after new conquests for a while. There is less of a price for male promiscuity than female promiscuity. In that light, you may want to “get it out of your system” before “settling down”.
In other words, break up with your gf.
Maybe instead of cheating stay single or look into the polygamy . Being cheated on really hurts and puts a toll on the person u cheated on
hii there! yes, come clean with her. If she does break up with u, accept the outcome since it was your fault in fhe first place. if she really does not give u another chance, learn from this and learn how to overcome this problem of yours. u can do it! but please, if she does decide to give you a second chance like I said, learn to control yourself.