Insecure, can’t move on
I was 6 months pregnant when I found that my husband was browsing sexy girls on social media. I don’t know why, it never crossed my mind that he even looked at another woman, I thought he was very devoted to me in that sense and he’s always been that ‘good’ guy. Not only did I feel betrayed, my trust in him broke, I no longer saw him as the same man I married. It shattered my confidence. I felt like he’d been cheating on me. It may sound extreme but I can’t seem to get over it. I always think he’s looking at other women now, when we’re out together I just notice beautiful women and wonder if he’s ogling them. I can’t enjoy being with him anymore. Whether it’s watching television together, or going for a walk, or even going to a family gathering or wedding, I’m constantly wondering ‘oh he must think she’s hot’ or whatever else. Literally all the time. I wonder what he’s looking at on his phone all the time. It’s eating me up inside and I can’t imagine the rest of my marriage like this. I find I’m creating arguments with him but this is the root cause I know.
@justagoodgirlx
is it just looking .....you may be overthinking it ..... looking or even fantasy is NOT cheating..... unless you have proof of something else .............you should not let looking be a fight starter IMO.
people look both sexes and while it does not help my ego knowing that he looks a marriage and partnership is on a different level ......not rooted in basic looks.
have you ever looked at a attractive male or celebrity / athlete etc ...... and even for a nano second thought wow he is hot..... is that different?
Have you spoke to him about it or just letting it fester until like you said arguments rooted in this erupt.
I feel that everyone has their own definition of cheating. But I do accept that we are only human and will ‘look’. What I personally couldn’t come to terms with is knowing that he took the time out to actively search for and browse these girls possibly for hours and most probably *** over them. Why is it different just because these girls are behind a screen? They’re still real. We have/had at the time a fantastic sex life as well, dressing up and trying different things etc it was amazing so it was just totally a shock to me.
I think I felt the emotions heightened because I was pregnant, and already starting to feel ‘big’ and unattractive. I felt like I wasn’t enough. I accept I don’t own his eyes and that I can’t control there they go lol.. I just want help to overcome paranoia and jealousy I guess.
We have had conversations about it, and he is sorry, and understands how much and why it hurt me. I’m grateful for that at least. I just can’t help overthinking all the time. I never had to worry about him straying before and yes that’s the worst it could go to, but how do I not think about these scenarios now?
@justagoodgirlx
you are correct there are many different views on cheating.
Yes the women in photos are real .........and most of the time ........paid very well to take photos knowing full well how those photos may be used.
if you look at studies and strangely enough i saw a LONG time ago on Oprah ........
more often then not cheating is NOT about attractiveness ...but about a need not being met .....
I have seen cheating situations where the Other person ( male or female) was not as attractive as spouse....... they were easy to talk to .......or fun to be around ......or showed real interest when a person thinks their partner do longer notices them .........
yet most women immediately fret about their weight or some attractiveness attribute .........
some men seem to think once showing pregnant women are not available lets say .....
There is no one answer to how to move past this ..... you spoke to him and expressed how you feel and how it hurt you.....He has apologized and understands ........ that should be the end and i know it is hard to turn off the doubts...
Think of the instance as fire .......it is now burned out and only a few smoldering embers ....... left alone they cool off and are ash............. continually stirred and fed bits of what ifs kindling .......sometime a fire could reignite.
Thank you for replying… Sometimes I think we just need someone with another viewpoint and it helps us to see things differently.
I hope I can focus on other things and do things that keep me busy (busier!). Thank you for being there.
