Is my relationship salvageable or should we give up?
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 yrs, and the whole time he's accused me of "being slick" even when I never had "slick intentions." Until a month ago when I cheated. I knew he was doing something behind my back for weeks but after I cheated I found out he had been doing drugs behind my back for months not cheating like I thought. We have terrible communication skills but still want to try to work things out. The only problem is he's started a new job and is focused on making a name for himself so he can't focus on our relationship right now. How long do I wait for him to have time for us? Or should we just quit now?
@Jenruntn
Let me see if I understand. You thought something was off in your boyfriend's actions and you assumed that he was cheating. And because you believed that he was cheating, you decided to cheat yourself. You recognise that as a couple you have some communication issues. At the moment your boyfriend wants to focus on his career and you are wondering how long you should wait or whether to break up now.
I find that when I'm struggling to make a decision, it is normally because there are some feelings getting in the way. I can't help noticing that what you share is very factual. Maybe it might be useful to look at the feelings behind some of those facts? I find completing sentences like the following helpful:
I'm angry because...
I'm sad because...
I'm disappointed because...
I'm afraid of.... etc
Having done this with a few feelings, I then find it easier to complete "I want...", which then helps me make my decision.
Of course, what helps me, might not help you. I wish you all the best regardless.
@Jenruntn
That sounds incredibly tough. It's understandable you're feeling lost. Two years, the accusations, the hurt on both sides, and now his focus on his new job, it's a lot to handle. It sounds like you're at a crossroads, wondering whether to wait or move on. What "being slick" means in your relationship?"
@Jenruntn
Well, there is a lot that you have to process in a short period of time, and that could be really overwhelming and overstimulating. A good thing is that you have acknowledged that you and your partner have a communication breakdown and are willing to try and fix that; however the situation took a turn that you were not expecting and that has left you in a crossroad. how are you guys doing now, did you decide to leave or stay?
@Jenruntn
@Jenruntn
It sounds like you and your boyfriend had some rough communication during your relationship and that's great that you can acknowledge that. It's also good that you understand you both made some mistakes and aren't trying to place blame just on him and take responsibility for what you did. In terms of whether or not you should end the relationship nobody can really tell you except for you. At the end of the day you know your boyfriend better than anyone here and you also know yourself better than anyone period. That being said Id suggest weighing the pros and cons of the relationship and doing some soul searching and ultimately decide what would be best for you. I hope this helps and I wish you luck in your endeavors!
@Jenruntn
It sounds like you're really torn right now, trying to figure out what’s best after everything that's happened. I can hear how difficult it must be to deal with both the trust issues and the lack of communication. It’s frustrating when you feel like you’re putting in effort, but your partner’s priorities are elsewhere. I can imagine how much it hurts to feel like you’re not a priority, especially after everything you've been through together.
@Jenruntn It sounds like you’ve both been carrying a lot of pain and mistrust for a while,, and that must feel really heavy on your heart... It’s clear you wanna make things work,, even when communication is hard and things feel uncertain... It’s understandable to feel stuck when someone you care bout is focused somewhere else,, specially with a new job and big changes... Whatever you’re feeling right now is real and important,, and it shows how much you care bout the relationship... It’s not easy to face this kind of struggle,, but you’re doing your best...
@Jenruntn Sounds like there’s still care between you two, but a lot of damage has been done on both sides. If he’s not showing up now, even after everything, how long are you willing to wait? A relationship can survive a lot, but not without effort from both people. Do you feel like he’s truly invested in rebuilding this, or are you doing the heavy lifting alone?