Is this normal?

@simplydr3an

First of all, I am sorry for the delay in response.

I am sorry to hear about the separation. And I cannot even imagine how hard it was for you to feel betrayed. It really hurts.

It seems like a traumatic experience which is not easier to overcome. But I guess maybe we could give a try and identify all other things apart from baby. You will find, the situation is different and so you are now.

Know your triggers and probably direct them in a positive way.

What do you think? Please let me know your thoughts.

@simplydr3an

A year really is not that long of a time. While a lot can happen in a year, that time isn't so long ago that it feels distant. So, to answer your main question, yes, I think it is completely normal.

I haven't personally gone through this, but my wife has experienced something similar. She broke up with her most recent ex less than a year after she started dating me and that guy really hurt her immensely. My wife is a very fast moving person and her solution to problems is often to just forget it, move on and fix her mistakes. The issue here is significant relationships with others, especially ones that ended very poorly and left you hurt, are not easily forgotten and left behind especially in a short span of time. She found this out the hard way when she started dating me and her relationship to her ex kept coming up. She would talk about him alot, she was scared that he was stalking her and following her. She was scared that he would hurt me. She still got angry and defensive at the the thought of her exe's exes. She would even regress and treat me like I was him because I said or did something that reminded her of how he hurt her. Needless to say, it strained our relationship quiet a bit and even still has me a bit conflicted, which you can see in my forum post.

My best advice to you is not to downplay it. If it still hurts now, especially to the point where you can't stand seeing babies, it is indeed significant. Recognize that, feel what you feel and confront those emotions. Most of all, give yourself time to recover from that experience. A year really isn't that long ago. My second piece of advice is to remember that that relationship is over and that you are with someone else. Treat this new person as his own person. Don't make connections between him and your ex. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If you have told him or plan to tell him about your ex and what happened with him, which is good to be honest and open, just remember to be gentle and not downplay the significance. Take from a guy, downplaying the significance tells us it was probably the opposite and actually very significant. Just try to remember you have moved on and want to try again with your new partner. It will still take time to heal but you are moving forward.