It's been years and I still miss you

I'm not in love with you anymore. It's been years since we were together, and 3 years since our last real conversation. I've moved on, married, had a kid...and yet lately I miss you. I find myself isolated with not many people who really inspire me the way you always could. I don't have conversations with anyone like I used to have with you. You make me laugh, and you're kind. Even my husband knows that I'll always care for you, just because of who you are. We went through too much. I couldn't hate you, and I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. So I left you alone so we both could live our lives.

I wish we'd never dated because I know in another life, you would have been my best friend and stayed that way. The heartbreak wouldn't have broken me and we never would have needed years away. I could have been there, rooting for you and talking to you like I would talk to my best friend - who I never dated. But we did date. And good god do I miss you, but I'm afraid if I get too close, I'll get burned. I'll fall again without meaning to. Because I can't help myself. You're the golden haired boy who makes me melt with a smile. The boy who read me poetry and led me through fields of a billion grasshoppers.

I'm sitting outside, staring up at the sky, wondering when I might get to talk to you again, just because you said you might call. I broke my own rules and reached out to you, and now I'm waiting for you. I'm waiting and I hate it. I hate that I miss you. I hate that I want to be friends because that's not easy. What's easy is leaving us to lead separate lives as strangers...yet even with 5 years passed, I think of you.

I don't want to mess up your life. I don't want to mess up mine. But I feel the absence of you. I want so badly to call you my friend. But I know what's best, and it's not that.