Just to finally vocalise
TW: Rape, molestation
Its been about 3 years since I broke up with my boyfriend. He was the first boy I ever dated and I was about 14 at the time. Id liked him for about a year before he said anything about liking me. The first few days were amazing, until the cracks started to form.
Id been through some tough mental patches, as you do when a teenager and hed managed to be there for me. I was drawn to him as I tend to find broken people for me to fix. I still remember new year. Wed began dating mid December, and I held a party with some friends. At one point, a friend of mine pulled me aside. Told me to be careful and to not go too far with him. We hadnt had our first kiss so I agreed, but I didnt realise how voiceless you can be at times like that.
Stroke of midnight, we kissed. It took me months after we broke up to realise, that what followed the next day wasnt okay. Id never said no, but I never wanted what happened. He ended up molesting me. Never asked, just went for it even though he knew I was asexual. Over the course of our 6 month relationship, I managed to say no a few times, only to be ignored. Only later did I find out, that hed nearly raped his ex girlfriend and molested my friend. He claimed to have multiple personalities. He used it to manipulate me, and turned everyone I knew against me. I never got over that, and I still fear him to this day. I am 18 years old and havent dated since and now have a fear of commitment. He ruined my life.
@MyPeopleSinging
A seed, it only grows when it gets buried under the ground. It is a fairly common anecdote that people give for support and courage. But do you know about plants, miss. There are plants that give fruit or vegetable under the ground and there are plants that give the same, above the ground. The plants that are grown for their roots, meaning for their produce below ground, have bitter shoots which is the part that is above ground. And the plant that has bitter roots, has sweet shoots. Roots apply for past, or the inside, that is hidden and below ground. And shoots refer to the present or the outside, that the eye can see. During harvest, a plant that is grown for roots, is uprooted and taken out from the ground while the roots are cut away and the produce is gathered. While a plant that is grown for shoot, is sometimes picked or sometimes cut down, but it is never uprooted and it stays there, always. It grows again and gives its fruit for another season, while root plant is replanted from new roots again and then uprooted next season again and again. You are a shoot plant, miss. You have bitter past and inside but you are sweet and God has gifted you with many generous gifts to help others and give, that is the reason for your sacrifices. You have had bitter experiences but you selected to learn from them.
Do you know that when plants and forests stand in peacefulness then sometimes a storm comes and destroys the forests or fields. Sometimes predator insects attack fields and everything is destroyed and there is no hoppe left. But look closely, miss, there is so much life out of this improper destruction. The insects carry the pollen with them, even the predators, and then cause the plants to grow in other places as well, where there were no such plants. Exotic plants are sometimes carried by storms over oceans, their pollen is carried by the strong wind currents and they land in distant continents and are directly responsible for exotic vegetation there. There is even life in this chaos, miss, and if God can carry these miniscule pollens over oceans safely and land them in new places and help them grow a new heaven there, then have faith that God will not leave you alone. We humans, with all our talks and ego and pride, are still nothing. We talk and work so much to do this and that, to earn food, clothes and a shelter. We always worry so much about these things and think that it is our duty and responsibility to do that. But it really is not in our hands, miss, it is God