Leaving a long term relationship
Hi all, I'm new to 7cups and joined looking to just talk to someone about my issues. I'm trying to deal with cheating, how to either move on or fix my relationship somehow.
We have been together for seven years and we have two young children. This past weekend, I found out he has been having an online relationship with a girl and I'm just devastated. We talked and basically ended that we would try to work things out. I'm having such stress and anxiety, im so hurt. I don't know how I can get through this, or if I need to start moving on. If you.have any words of wisdom or have been through something similar, please let me know what helped you.. Or where to go from this point. Thank yoi
@Kat2230
I am sorry that you have to deal with your partner cheating on you.Cheating is one of the most stressful things that can happen to someone and you have every right to be having all this feelings .There are a lot of reasons why people cheat finding out what caused it would be a good start to prevent it from happening again in the future ,Nobody can tell you what to do , the best thing is to communicate with your partner and decide whether or not the relationship you are in is worth saving ,if you decide you want to make it work you need to take each day at a time while remembering to take care of yourself
@caringLight
Good Morning Caring Light and 7 Cuppers,
This is such a beautiful way to respond to our dear person who is going through this situation.
I believe in love and marriage. So I will say this. Gather the strength to talk face to face with you husband/partner. Think carefully about what you want to say and how you say it. Be genuine, be loving and be truthful. Say what you want to say in a way that lets your partner know that you love him and that you want life together.
Ask if your partner would go with you to talk to a marriage counselor. Keep going until you find the one that works for the two of you just in case you are not happy with the first one. This happens sometimes. So I wanted you to know.
Be sure to say positive things about you and your partner. Stay away from the negative and negative people who might bash your relationship. Do not tell family or friends about his behaviour or your marriage situation.
Take one day at a time until you know which way to go.
Best.......
@loyalDay5445 thanks for all the comments. I haven't brought this up with anyone else, and will be approaching him about counseling. This isn't the first time he has done this to me, but we never saw a counselor. At this point I feel it's my only option, otherwise I feel like I have nothing left to give him. It is very hard, even though I.know his hehavior is unacceptable. I know I am scared of going on by myself, but feel it might be necessary for my own well being.
@Kat2230
Remember 7 cups has therapists too!
Take care of yourself.......
@caringLight thank you, it is good to hear those words. I think I lost focus of also trying to give myself the best care by putting the relationship above myself
Hey. I was in a relationship with this guy who wasn't right for me. But I didn't know this then and I was with him for 3 years. After a hell lot of fights and emotional abuse I decided to leave him. And I'm a lot better than I used to be. But I just can't seem to open up to others after all this. There is this guy who really likes me and I guess I like him too but I'm always second guessing and I'm not sure of anything anymore. Iv known him for three years now. He an amazing person and friend. I guess u could say we r like friends with benefits but it's a bit more than that somehow. He is always there for me and we kind of help each other out. We never gave a name to our relationship and everything is going great. But recently he asked me out and he says he wants more. I don't know what to do. I like him. I just don't wanna screw up what we have. My ex was my very close friend before we dated and that didn't end well. I just don't feel relationships are worth the risk or the effort we put in. And I don't know how to explain all this to my amazing guy without him thinking that I don't care for him. So yeah. I'm confused as hell. Please help.
@Ash999333
Hi! Fearfulness after hurt. I hear this in your post. How do we get over fearfulness? How do we trust again after hurt? How do we know when the right person has entered into our lives and is here to stay during the good times and bad times?
These are all questions we ask. It seems to me we have to first recognize our fearfulness and come to grips with our fears. It may require some time alone or talking with someone who can help us with reflection so that we are not left to our "own" limited edition of the situation.
Our hurt must be dealt with as well. This probably means forgiveness of others and forgiveness of our selves for some reason. For, we too play a role in the hurt, even if it is just staying too long, or not seeking help, or other reason.
So I believe that we must find courage and we must have peace from past hurt to make a good decision about a new relationship or to stay in the old relationship.
Then, once we become courageous again, we know what we want and where we want to go, we are able to "see" what is right for us and accept that we can only do our best in any situation.
These are my thoughts.
Best.......
@Kat2230
It must be a tough time you are going through at the moment with all of this, I could only imagine the amount of hurt and pain you must be feelings. When it comes to people who cheat, they mostly do it when the future of the relationship is in doubt, so they begin looking for other people in the background, since they are fearful, and deceptive. One thing that could help if he goes to counseling to find the deeper issue regarding this, this must be related with his past or something else, of course I'm not excusing his behavior, but on order for things to work he would need to seek counseling. Marriage counseling would help as well, because this a process that you need to go through on order to feel safe and comfortable with him again after what he did.
