Long term chronic relationship

@viqueen20

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have just started full time teacher training, (Congratulations!! Im proud of you for starting this) and have been with my partner for 9 years. For 4 of those he has been chronically ill with a type of constant vertigo and migraine. Up until now i was working part time, I had time to check up on him all the time, to help cook, and clean and pay for things. (This shows you are a very caring person, and definetly value the relationship with him. I do feel you have done this more than you should, its mainly because of this deep need to take care and save someone. If you can, i would like for you to really think what i said here for awhile) We live separately with our parents, however he has no friends due to his condition (This probably makes him feel a certain way about himself, but this is in an indication of him not developing social cues and other things needed for him to survive on his own, so this might make him cling in to you even more. Deep down he is looking to be taken care off in the same way his parents didnt take care of him, while deep down you took for someone to take care off because of what feels familar) and his father is a narcissist and his mum is a hoarder, so besides his sister, I am his only line of support. (He definetly had a rough childhood. The pressure will constantly be in you, his actions and words will either cause guilt or for you to even try harder. He doesn't have the capability to take care of himself, his parents didn't teach him any of this, so the codepedency part inside you will lead you to sacrifice yourself, feel guilty and then try even harder for him)

For years I have tried to do my best. I suffer myself from anxiety and panic attacks, but I know he is more ill so put my stuff on the backburner. (This is a strong sign of unmet needs and being neglected growing up, so this makes you put what you go through as little, while putting priority into other people issues. You are neglecting how you feel, what you want, while he is on the role of "taking and taking". This is similar to a cycle of you being a constant giver, while he is the constant taker which begins to drain you)I just feel that I am at the end of my tether. (Your mind and body are telling you "Hey i cant do this anymore", dont ignore these feelings) The little time I do have free that isnt spent on lesson planning or tidying is spent feeling guilty i'm not with him. (This part right here is an indication the "self" inside you didn't get activated through your childhood, so this will put you in position where you will feel guilty or a bad person if you are not taking care of him or not with him. You are allowed to have your own life and time while being in a relationship) He is such a kind person and still my best friend, (You only see him as a friend, not as a romantic partner) but recently I have been having thoughts about needing at least a break. (This is something you shouldn't ignore) We don't have much of a relationship, we will go round each others houses and watch netflix or walk the dog, which is great. (I don't think you mean the "which is great" part. I just think you are tried and drained of the same routine on this relationship, and you wish to do other things to connect with him) But I'm now 24, I can't afford to be his partner as well as his therapist, (You shouldn't attempt this. It's okay to take care of him for a bit, but taking care of him for years is unreasonablee. You are caught in the trap of taking care of him, while he has this need to be taken care of) check up on him to make sure he is eating/taking his meds, and it's really effecting me. (Its normal is affecting you, it can be quite a tough task to do when you have your own issues and things to deal with) I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I just feel awful. (Sorry to hear that, it must be really tough going through this constantly. If our parets didn't teach us assertiveness, feeling free without guilt, didn't love us unconditionally then those feelings will often come up in terms of decision making and will play a role in how you feel in a relationship) How can I break up with someone who has nothing? (What has he done to improve his situation and overall health?) But I also feel our romantic realtionship is empty, we have the same conversations day in, day out, because he doesn't go out. It all revolves around his health, or parents. (You two are not really connecting, its like you are in the role of a parent than a romantic partner)

I spoke to my best friend who suggested considering ending it, but I just don't know if I have it in me. And I really wish this wasn't happening whilst I'm finding my feet in teaching. I also have become a lot closer to my friend of 6 years from work, who has told me he likes me. I very much feel the same way, but I absolutely refuse to be the person to break someone's heart. (I can understad how difficult this can be, but you are ignoring how you feel and what you want to take care of him. Your mental health and well being will be heavily affected because you are ignoring how you feel. The decision is yours to make, but i see a 0% of this relationship changing, so the anxiety and worry will not stop)