Lost..
Hello all :) I'd like to start off by saying I'm new here and came to 7 cups because I'm really struggling with a decision and I don't know who to talk to...
I am in a relationship of 5 years and we have a child together. I have 3 children from a previous relationship who love my partner and even call him dad.
My partner has some serious anger issues, he's gone as far as punching the walls and breaking stuff when we argue and has said ugly and disrespectful things while mad. I would like to point out that he has never laid a hand on me or my children. After the fact he always apologizes and says he wants to be better. I've tried to help him for 5 years. I feel so exhausted. I'm mentally drained. I want him to be better but idk what to do. Last week I told him I need a break, that I couldn't do it anymore. His response was that he won't accept a break, we either break up or we fix our relationship. He got sad and upset and went on about if I leave he has nothing and I have everything because I have the kids. I feel bad. Really bad. I love him, and I want him to be better. I don't want to split because of my kids, they deserve a family.
So I'm still here, in the relationship, but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I don't want to be the bad guy and I don't want to tear him apart. Do I keep trying?
I feel like 5 years Is way long enough to get your anger into order, I've been with my partner for almost 3 years. When we got together I was an extremely angry person and though I wouldn't hit him or anything like that, I'd purposefully lash out to make him as miserable as I felt, and that's super not fair. After he talked to me I realized something needed to change so I've been working on my anger and things have been great.
That being said I personally feel if you or your partner is upset by something and if the other actually truly felt bad about it then they'd be working on newer and healthier coping mechanisms, I've noticed sometimes with people like that they apologize and when you accept it they feel like as long as they apologize they can keep doing whatever.
Take your happiness and your children into account, think about the examples he is setting for those children that they will one day apply to their own relationships. Think about the stress it's putting on your mental health, and how it might also affect your children mentally to be on the outside looking in. You might feel like the bad guy at first but don't let that stop you from being happy or let it affect your own mental health.
