Lost
So about 3 months ago I find out my daughter of 21 years now, was sexually abused by a younger cousin of my husband her stepdad of 17 years , when she was 15. I was angry & hurt for her I felt like trash as parents for being unable to protect her.. im crushed as a mom...
After talking with my daughter and finding this out I of course turned to my husband Let him know... I don't get a huge response.. He proceeds not to really talk about it to me for the best next day or 2... My daughter comes over again which I go out front to talk with her and I told him to come he does not....
When I go back in later to ask him why because she is gone and he knew we were going to talk about things He acted like he didn't know I was telling him to come out front... So we began to talk about things on my back porch and one of the 1st Things he tells me Finally Is do you think it's her fault Is it possible she led him on? And how he's worried about how this is going to affect his family.. I did explode with anger at the fact his 1st thought was to defend his own family... And not my daughter... Nothing he says to me makes sense....
My feelings have changed towards him I feel like hes not somebody I can look to 4 protection ..I feel left alone about dealing with everything for the month 1/2 after ..talking to investigators... he don't talk to me... He's a very quiet person. I d He did say he loves me he dont want to part but.. I feel like I'm just going through the motions Day-to-day to be a good mom to my other kids.. when i try to talk im basically left talking to myself.....then im left for day go over things in my own brain..which is never a good thing...i feel lost..i love him but more like a family member.. i dont want to touch him....i cant change my feelings what the hells wrong with me...
Too much ....
It's a tough one.
Firstly, I want to applaud you for being one of the parents that stand by their child through this. Nothing can be more crushing for a child than to have the response your husband has when coming out with a secret like this...
I understand your repulsion and I would feel the same. Have you been honest with him? Have you explained why you are repulsed by this? Is he aware of how serious you see this?
If you have and this is a dead end then... Well, I get it.
Wishing you luck and support ❤ and keep fighting for what you think is right.
@indigoAcres1032 Hello
Hello friend
@indigoAcres1032
Dealing with the situation and managing to talk about such a sensitive matter with your daughter takes a great deal of courage, emotional and mental strength to handle the anger, rage even and figure out how to proceed.
She was a child at the time so the question of what she did/said or not is irrelevant to the fact that this should never have happened to her. Him trying to shift any part of the blame onto the child is just so wrong. Maybe it was a good thing he didn't come talk to her if that is how he has processed it!
I definitely understand why you feel differently about him. There is nothing wrong in your reaction to this man (supposed to have been her stepdad) who tried to blame your child for the abuse.
In this difficult time, it's good that you are prioritizing being a good mom to your kids and being present for the ongoing investigation,
As you navigate the path ahead, do please remember to be kind to yourself too. When we tackle important battles, the path to healing is helped by maintaining balance and recharging your energy when you can.
Much strength to you and your kids.