Loving can hurt..

@Blueskywaiting

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Hi.. my boyfriend and I are together for 2 years now and we are in a long distance relationship again for 3 months now. After he went back to his country, he got so emotional and he started bringing up issues about our relationship, how unhappy he is in our relationship and he feels unloved etc. (I'm going to take a guess here, so take this with a grain of salt. I feel like he doesn't feel happy in life and doesn't feel love inside, so he expects others to fill that gap, the problem is that is something he first needs to do on his own) It caught me off guard because I thought were doing great since we just came from a vacation before he left. (This tells me he has poor communication skills and keep things inside until he no longer can take it anymore and then he will let everything out which makes you wonder "what in the world? I thought everything was great...". How he handled this will make you feel bad, but the reality is he didn't speak and ask for what he need like an adult, instead he sweep it under the rug)

He broke up with me eventually, after I tried everything to keep him. (This kind of tells me you lose emotional self control, the anxiety took over and did everything it takes to pull him closer which end up pushing him away) I apologize (There was zero need for you to apologize about this situation, i feel it was not genuine and it was a way to pull him closer) and said I love you for countless times but he still ended it. (You do love him a lot, however you said all of this to soothe your anxiety and so he wouldn't leave you) And he started using the online dating site where we met. He told me he is talking to other women but only as a friend (sureeeeeeeeee) and I didn't believe that so I tried to give him up. (You did the right thing here) He got really mad when I tried to cut off all our contacts and when he thought I was talking to other men, that's the time he took me back. (What happened here is that the begging, apologizing, and trying to get him back gave him more power over the situation, but when you decided to move on it was when he felt separation anxiety and on order to soothe it he decided to take you back)

We're together again for a month now. Things were all good but when he started a new job which is physically tiring. He began to distance himself emotionally to me again. (This communicates he feels smothered in the relationship) I would message him whenever I can and show my affection..(This would work great with a secure or anxious man, but with a person like him it will only push him away and then he will be sooooooo busy all of the sudden, but its just his way to gain space because he can't handle the closeness) but he stopped returning them. (This is his way of sabotaging the relationship because he feels too close to you) He no longer says I love you or I miss you. (You are not giving him the chance to say it first, part of the problem here is that you are being too affectionate when he is reacting like "ehhh".) He would only text me "gm" "good night" "I'm off to work".(This is another way he is sabotaging things, in the unconcious level he knows this will push you away because he feels smothered) I'm really hurt so I tried to tone down my affection because I'm afraid it is causing something bad from him. (You did the right thing here, remember he can only handle a certain level of affection, so if you go above it then he will be sooooo busy, reply with short messages and then will back away)

Then a couple of days ago.. I said good night and I love you. (I wouldn't have done this with a person who is replying with short answer and not appreciating it. You did this because you felt a lot of anxiety, and it was your way to soothe it) And his reply was " I think we should break up. I don't think were getting better. " (Noticed how he said that in an unattached away? this is just too immature of him)He said that he feels unloved and alone again. (He pretty much expects you to fill some emptyness he feels inside, when only he can do that)He said that he is having a hard time because he can't stop thinking that I gave up easily when he broke up with me before. (In other words, He wanted you to continue to beg, express your devoted love, do this huge grand gestures and then fight for him even more....its ridicilious the mindset he is having about this. This tells me he used the breakup to make you do what he wanted, and then his ego was stroked when you decided to move on. This is his issue he needs to solve, not yours)(Which I don't think I am because were not here right now if I gave up).

I just don't know what to do anymore. (Do nothing...he is being difficult and unreasonable at the moment) I love him so much but he is making everything harder for both of us. I am doing everything I can to keep him even though I am not getting anything in return. (This is one of the reason he will end the relationship because you are putting his needs and wants ahead of your own, this will make him see you with less value and then he will have zero respect for you) I literally had to message him that I hope he says I love you to me again, someday. (This is another part of the problem, you are showing affection to someone who is being difficult and ending the relationship when he feels like it. You are rewarding his immature and childish behavior with love/affection, which is one of the reasons things will not change) He did. But he doesn't show me with his actions anymore. (Believe in people actions more, and less in their words) I feel he wants me to do all the work in our relationship from now on. (Yes, he expects you to fight for him when he breakups with you, but its unfair to you. If he wants to leave, then let him leave because the way he breakups with you is immature and childish) Recently, I just changed my sleeping schedule for him because of time difference we can't talk that much. (You are putting him first when he is not treating you properly) But when I did, even when he gets off work early, he said that he just want to lie on the couch or do something else. (Those are the excuses he is giving you, but in reality he is not willing to make you a priority) He would make me wait just so I could talk to him. (You are being too available for him, so he will always make you wait)

This morning for me, he waited again until he is about to go to sleep before he asked me to call. (In other words "I will make plans, when i want to make plans") And I told him, " it's fine we can just talk tomorrow. You have the whole day to call me and we don't want to ruin your sleeping schedule now. " and his got mad at me again. (He got mad because he felt rejected and insecure, which had nothing to do with you) He said that he is a man. (He is being really rude here, thinking less of you because he thinks he is a "man", when he behaves like a child) He can choose when he wants to talk. (No, he just expects people to drop what they are doing to be with him, and when they don't its where he has tantrums like a child)