Met somebody new..

So, I had been with my partner for several years but the last few years he’s changed. COVID led me to moving in full time with him and he began to become this self centred person who only thought about himself or cared about himself. Eventually I decided that I wanted some space and moved out. He still wants to make it work and says he’ll change but I don’t trust him anymore and this isn’t the first time he’s said he’ll change and I come back and the cycle continues. This time I’ve asked him to prove the change real. I don’t feel comfortable talking to him or sharing my thoughts because he just gets angry and yells at me. He yelled at me once in front his whole family about an intimate fertility fear that I wasn’t willing to share with everyone but because it didn’t fit his plan and he’d been drinking, my thoughts and feelings on my own body weren’t even a consideration. I was wasting his time because it was all he ever wanted. So.. it’s not really a great relationship there to start with.

However, to complicate matters worse, I met somebody new. I recently clearly just blew up my life but I’ve gotten to know this new person on a different level over the past few months. Something draws me into them like a magnet. We’ve not slept together or kissed or anything of the sort just talked and through talking created more of a connection than I ever expected. Today they told their wife that they are unhappy and found somebody new. Now I’m full of anxiety and going to be sick over the thought of messing everybody’s lives up. It’s one thing to blow up my own life but an entirely different one to blow up someone else’s too unintentionally. I’m not a small child so I know better than to even begin to get to know a married man but he also pursued me.