My boyfriend and I have issues arguing
My boyfriend and I struggle a lot when arguing, we’re both really emotional people and just both want to be understood. I’m a really anxious person and sometimes I feel like he’s short with me and that just ends up with me feeling really anxious and overwhelmed. A lot of times, due to past trauma with him, I overthink a lot when we argue and sometimes I get defensive. He has been treating me well and I am in a happy relationship with him, but once we argue the both of us start to second guess things and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and anxious, especially when he tells me that. What are ways I can prevent this from happening and have the both of us look out for each other when arguing?
Hi, my advice to you would be that when you are both getting into an argument take an hour or two away from each other. When you both have cooled down you can talk and tell him how you feel. Tell him not to interrupt you and pour your feelings out and then you listen to him as he tells you how he feels. This will help you two understand how one another is feeling during an argument so that you can handle it maturely. Since you both are emltionally anxious get someone to talk to both of you because ther might be some unresolved issues. I think both of you end up gettung defensive in an argument because you want to be heard but it will not work that way. Wish you and your boyfriend the very best💖.
Hey, thank you for replying!
Both of us has thought about getting someone to be a mediator for the both of us, but unfortunately we’re long distance and I’m uncomfortable bringing in friends to our arguments/relationship because I feel as if they will have biased opinions. I have looked into online therapists as well, but they’re pretty pricey for the both of us currently. I think taking a break during our arguments is a great idea and I’ll definitely try implementing that more when our arguments get heated. Thank you so much, I appreciate it ❤️.
@Ceda Try to use I statements, like "I feel..." Take deep breaths and try to slow down. Remember it is not about being right but two different people with different needs and feelings. Try to validate and acknowledge his feelings and where he is coming from but also express your feelings and needs.
Thank you for replying!
I've learned to use the statement “I feel…” in almost every situation I have with anyone so far and it works really well! Something that I do need to work on is slowing down in an argument because a lot of times, me and him both take it too fast to try explaining ourselves. I will definitely work on taking things easy when arguing. Thank you so much ❤️!
@Ceda
Hi Ceda!
Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry to hear about the arguments with your BF. I agree with best writer, communication is key in a relationship and when we are angry we don't get across the points we want to or how we are truly feeling.
I hope you guys can realize that you need a short break apart until you both calm down before you can tell him how you really feel calmly. And I hope he feels like he can do the same.
When things are calm and controlled the anxiety should float away (:
Isa x
Hi Isabella, thank you for replying!
Calming down and talking in a calm, controlled environment is something that me and him definitely need to work on. We tend to just drag things out and we often lose sight on where the argument is even going. I will talk to him about taking breaks during an argument to collect ourselves. Thank you so much, i appreciate it ❤️!
Arguments happen in almost every relationship. But, second guessing the relationship due to arguments is not good. You need to understand that he cares for you and whatever the argument be, it's temporary. Remind yourself to not ruin a beautiful relationship for a temporary argument. Be empathetic towards each other.