My story
I have a long and complicated story, but I guess everyone does.
I want to share my story with people, but I am afraid.
I am afraid that it will be a waste of time, that no one will read it or care.
I am afraid that people will call me out for being attention seeking
I am afraid of trolls and negative online people
I am new to this website and I am afraid of rejection and negativity and meanness and bullying.
@Insomniacstacy hello there! its great to see you here today.
i understand it can be incredibly frightening to share our story and open up to others. I want you to know that we will read it, we will care and we will support you, no matter what. this is your safe, non judgemental space. we are there for you if you want us to be 
@AveryLove Thank you for that.
My name is Stacy. I am a wife. My husband and I have been together since 1999, married since 2010. I am a mother. My children are 14, 11, and 10. I am a full time employee at a tribal clinic near my small hometown in the middle of Minnesota. That comes with its own set of responsibilities and stress. I am an auntie. I have 5 nieces and a nephew. All my nieces' and my nephew's mothers have died. They all have their own long stories and issues. I used to play a big part in caring for my one niece and her brother, my only nephew. Their mom died 5 years ago today from a brain tumor. It was a long illness and while she was sick and couldnt care for the kids and my brother in law was working to make money to support his family and pay her medical bills my niece and nephew stayed with me during the school week and went home with their dad on the weekends. Their Grandma moved to town this summer and they moved out of my house and into hers, I don't see them nearly as much as I used to and it makes me sad and relieved and I feel guilty for feeling relieved. My other 4 nieces live an hour away with my mother in law and her husband. They are 4 sisters, same mother, two different fathers. The older two are my brother in law's children and the younger two have a different dad. My brother in law is in prison. He struggles with addiction and poor decision making. The girls' mom died at the age of 32 from liver failure during the last school year. She drank a lot, obviously. She drank while pregnant with all of the girls, so that caused its own issues. The girls all have emotional issues and they were struggling with their school up north so it was decided that the older two will come live with me and go to school in my small town with my daughter. That makes me responsible for the schooling of 5 children again this year. 3 out of 5 have IEPs and one has a 504. If you have special ed kids you know what that means, if not it just means they get extra attention and help due to their disabilities and it means I get to attend meetings and sign papers and plans and stuff. My husband lost his job of 15 years around 6 months ago. We live in a really tiny town, so he went up north where his mother lives and got a job with a temp agency. It turned into a full time job working overnights in a plastics rotomolding factory. To save money he was staying in his fish house in his mom's yard during the week and coming home on the weekends. He is not much help with the kids, the housework (though he does all of the mowing of the yard for me when he comes home on the weekends) or figuring out the finances. He expects me to handle all of that. My mother in law struggles with health issues. She had a series of strokes last year and has heart problems. When she dies it is expected that all 4 of the nieces will come to live with me and I will be responsible for all of them.
My house is old and falling apart and not big enough for the amount of children I have. My husband does not help with any of the housework or fixing things that are broken or general maintenance to prevent things from falling apart.
I have stress and I have no friends because I have struggled with social anxiety my whole life so I have no one to talk to about it and I need help managing my stress and I need help with my finances and I dont know where to turn. I wrote a big long letter about myself and sent it to my doctor friend because I have talked to her a little about my stress and she prescribed some medication but I dont know that it is working and I really think that I would benefit from the help of a mental health professional but I cant really do the traditional therapy because between work and kids I just dont have the time in the day and so I thought online therapy would be a good option and so did my doctor friend. She did some research and came to this website so I have been spending some time here looking at what all is offered. I like the way they do their therapy and I think it would be a great fit for me but I dont have the money reqired to get started right now. I have health insurance but I dont see any informaiton on the website about using health insurance to pay for any part of the therapy. I made a post somewhere in the community asking if anyone has any experience with online therapy that takes health insurance. I haven't done much more research on other places that have online therapy. I don't know a proper way to end this so I'm just going to stop and hit the button.
@Insomniacstacy Hi , It sounds like you have got a lot to deal with. I hope that you can get the support that you need at this website. I think that the online therapy does not accept insurance here. I believe that it costs $150 a month.There is also something here called a listener. They are volunteers(not therapists) but they will listen to you for free.
There is no edit button on these posts and I am wishing I would have read through it a couple of more times before hitting the button and it is causing me more stress and anxiety.
@Insomniacstacy
Don't worry about that. No one will think less of you, especially here.
@Insomniacstacy I know how hard sharing all of that must have been, but I think you are brave and should be proud of yourself. Social anxiety is a killer, and it sounds to me link with the five kids you taken care of and Clinic in all, you have you're forced to be social which I know personally I can't stand and have issues with myself. Sometimes It makes me just want to shut down and not talk to anyone for days. And I know I would be horribly stressed out if I lived in a house with children I am responsible for and a husband that should be doing his part. I respect you for keeping it together. What do you do at the clinic>
@HAltwitt I work in the Health Information department which means basically that I share responsibility for the maintenance and content of the Electronic Health Record. I also recently became the supervisor of the front desk staff at our main clinic and one of our smaller satellite clinics. Being the supervisor of the front desk also makes me the backup for staffing the front desk at the main clinic, which is a really terrible job that causes you to directly deal with patients which is NOT something that I am good at or want to be doing but last week one of my front desk girls was out for vacation and then funeral leave and the other one had to have surgery and has to be out for two weeks and I have to work up there alone in their absence because although I have been asking administration for more help for those poor overworked ladies I have got nothing for them yet.
@Insomniacstacy Are you sure you still struggle with social anxiety because I bet most normal people would hate dealing with patients all the time, but someone with true social anxiety would find the nearest exit and run like hell after 15 minutes. 
@ForgainstExistentialUncertainty Yes, I dont usually work up there I just fill in when necessary. I usually hide in the back. This last week was very challenging, but I only cried one of the days.
