Need some advice
Hey everyone I'm in a position I never wanted to be in. My fiance and I had a fight this afternoon. There was alot of arguing and it didn't end very well. I'm 6 weeks pregnant and after we argued over the house he said I need to get an abortion and was ready to take me there today. Our house wasn't spotless but it was lived in. The normal amount of clutter you'd expect.
Fast forward to tonight he says he's not coming and doesn't want to talk tonight, which I understand, or even tomorrow. I feel like I'm the one to blame for it all but I also feel like he isn't listening to how I'm feeling either. I agree with a lot of his points and can admit that I've dropped the ball. I also know on the days when I do drop the ball, exactly how my body is feeling.
Right now I feel shattered and defeated and just plain destroyed. I could really use some advice.
@sensibleTangerine6030
hard to follow but this disagreement is all over the state of the house..... i am sure there is much more to it but that seems a jump to end a pregnancy over housekeeping perhaps there is more to his issues and he does not want to be a father.
what are your feelings about going it alone? housekeeping believe me falls to a lower priority when a little one comes.
I agree. I don't know if there's something underneath that's worrying him or not. It's not first child however the mother of his first child is the definition of a cow and won't let him see his child and whatnot. He's never said anything about any worries and I've asked him. I've decided that I'm going to raise this child with or without him.
@sensibleTangerine6030
could be he is not ready ...there are MANY people out there that HAVE children but they are not ready or really able to be a parent.
a second child might bring up the fact he does not see his child and he may feel like a failure as a dad in that case. the stress of what if this does not work out etc may be panicking him to lash out.
I completely understand that however that should not give him the right at any time to tell me that I need to get an abortion. No one is ever ready for a second child. I have a son that I raised on my own amd it scares the heck out of me that I could face that again. I also know what he feels like to with his previous child because I had a nasty custody battle between myself and a family. I do understand both sides and I support his decisions with his first child however I can not justify an abortion without valid reason (medical, and what not).
I've tried to let him know through everything that I will not do what his exs did. I gave my child's father a choice to be there or to walk away. I always leave that option up to the father. Even if things don't work out, if that was the case, I'd leave the choice up to him on what he wants to do for the child's best interest. However there is some trauma on my side with this subject because one of my exs had forced me to get an abortion previously and I still have issues trying to comprehend any of that kind of a subject.
@sensibleTangerine6030
I agree with all you said sounds like you have a good outlook on this
Honestly I'm trying to have the best outlook I can. I'm trying to look at every logical option in the situation while trying to keep emotions in check so they don't influence the logic side.
@sensibleTangerine6030
First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru so much.
secondly, right now his temper is very bad. This isnt the right time to bring up anything coz he wont think much before saying things in this state. You will have to give him some time to cool down and then you both can have a proper discussion on this. I understand till then you may feel anxious but you gotta give some time.
Take care :)
I did give him some time and we did end up talking last night, we made a decision, not the one that I was ready for but it's the decision we made. I do understand his side and I let him know that there's a lot we have to deal with over the next little bit. Thank you for your support.
so how are the things now?
@sensibleTangerine6030
Well he made the decision for an abortion and we went through with it. I am not happy with him at all. It's seems like it was his way or the highway.
@sensibleTangerine6030
I am sorry to know. is ur health okay?
@sensibleTangerine6030 It sounds like you're going through a difficult time right now, and it's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed and upset. It's important to remember that you're not alone, and that there are people who can help you.
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your health and well-being, both physical and mental. This includes taking care of yourself during your pregnancy, as well as dealing with the emotional stress of the situation. It may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance during this time.
It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your fiance. It sounds like you're both going through a difficult time right now, and it's important to work together to find a solution. This may involve finding ways to support each other, seeking outside help, and setting boundaries to ensure that both of you are heard and respected.
It's also worth considering seeking support from friends and family members, as they may be able to offer you some guidance and help during this time. Remember that you don't have to go through this alone, and that there are people who care about you and want to help you.
Overall, the most important thing is to take care of yourself and your health, and to seek out the support and guidance you need to get through this difficult time.
