Not sure I ever wanted to marry my wife

New here. Going to do my best to make this somewhat short. Been married for almost 8 years now and got married at 22. At the time I had a bad porn and flirting addiction for most of the first 5 years. Not perfect but nothing like it use to be now. After coming clean 3.5 years ago about that addiction I started doing much more self examination on why I developed that addiction and did it. Always though it was just lust when I was younger. Learned I mostly did it to cope and forget about stress and life. I think I’ve always somewhat struggled with depression but my addiction actually covered it a lot. Since then I’ve been up and down with depression but have learned so much more about myself. I made a lot of decisions in life based off being a people pleaser that and kicking my in the butt now. I was so numb back then I seriously can’t remember actually wanting to get married but feel like I never left the relationship because I was worried about hurting others and didn’t want to start over. Now that I’ve been working on mindset more I realized I’ve never wanted to connect with my wife like I have with other women in my life. I don’t desire her and never did much. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?