Not sure how to help
I started dating my boyfriend about 4 years ago. We'd known each other for a while and it just kind of happened by accident. A few months before this, the girl he had been dating on and off was killed in a boating accident just in front of his house. She was a wonderful person and her loss was devastating for our small community. I should have known that he was emotionally unavailable at the time but I was struggling with a break up of my own and the loss of a friend and we just sort of leaned on each other. Most of our friends were unsupportive and extremely hard on me, acting as if he wasn't a part of this equation, and I was to blame. Like I said, we just kind of fell into it unintentionally. I was the scapegoat for everyone that was hurting. For me, it was a really difficult situation in a difficult time. I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been and still is for my boyfriend but it seemed like he never really understood that I was in a hard place too. Losing friends for any reason is not easy. There were times when my emotions got the better of me and I said things that weren't fair or to be honest, nice. I am aware of this and more than sorry, which I've told him many times. But there is still an air of resentment I feel from him. I just don't know how to help him heal. Or how to begin repairing the obvious damage I created. I love this guy so much and we've been through so much together, I just want him to be able to find some closure and peace with the situation if that is what he needs. He really doesn't let me in emotionally, so I don't even know how he feels about it all. It's all very confusing and creating a space between us.
@Island562 hey there! glad to see you here. i can imagine it must have been tough for your boyfriend to deal with that, but your feelings are just as validate. One person in the world could always have it "worse", but this person would not be the only person being allowed to feel hurt or to struggle. i can imagine losing a friend would be really tough to deal with. I find it really strong of you that you aknowledge that what you said was not fair, there lies a certain strength in admitting our faults and flaws are only human! I understand it would be really difficult when the significant other doesnt let us in emotionally, i experienced that in my past relationship as well and i felt really helpless. In the end i found out that it is not my place to force someone to let me in. Sometimes just letting the other person know that we are waiting for them and here if they need us, can make a huge difference in the relationship. How are you holding up with this?
