Not sure if it's my mental health or relationship
We're hardly intimate, he doesn't communicate much. We've been together almost a year, I'm his first "serious" relationship for this long. He's 26, I'm 21. We live together.
I want the spark and excitement. I know I love him, and he loves me - but I just feel like something isn't sitting properly.
I don't know if I'm self-destructing and ruining stuff because my mental health is bad at the moment anyway and I have BPD. We work on every single level otherwise.
I keep bringing up these issues and he just says he's tired. He works as a carpenter and does long days most days of the week, so I understand that, but it's been a month now. I don't want to keep bringing it up and come off as nagging and in turn ruin my relationship that way, but I don't want to stay in a relationship if he's not attracted to me that way.
My head is telling me I'm just a consolation prize. Someone to spend time with so he's not alone. He used to be a bit of a... player before me. Not sure on his number of partners - don't want to know - but I know it's high.
Moving out is always an option, but at the moment I'm signed off from work anyway due to my mental health & I can't live in the same village I am now as it would be too expensive on my own. I know how hard it would be to get another job when I've lately been signed off.
I can't move back home (an hour away) as it would be a step back (it's in the middle of nowhere, no jobs nearby/can't drive)
I'm just feeling stuck and unsure on what is going on.
I have sort of the opposite problem. I've been married to my husband 14 years now. In the last few years, I'm the one that doesn't want to be touched. I used to. I used to have a hard time keeping my hands (and other things ;) ) to myself. I sometimes feel like I'm broken or there's something wrong with me and he asks and attempts so often that it's annoying and scares away any tiny stirring of desire that pops up. In the last few years I've been fighting depression and a newly growing anxiety that I'm just beginning to scratch the surface of. We also both have medical issues that minorly effect our intamacy.
Perhaps your boyfriend is going through something and he's the type of person that needs to work it out on his own. This can be magnified by him being tired/stressed from work. Try doing something nice for him like making his favorite meal or letting him pick the next movie you go see. Maybe he'll open up a bit about whatever might be bothering him. Even if he doesn't talk about it, or there is nothing wrong after all, sometimes doing something for the person you love makes YOU feel better. I know from personal experience that if both of you are off in your own mental illnesses, whenever you're stressed or triggered, it's harder to connect. It's not necessarily a reflection on you or anything you did. I don't know if any of that helps, but I hope it does in some way. Good luck.
