Partner struggles with BPD
I am talking to someone who uses "you" statements instead of "i" statements and expressing his feelings in a way that owns how he feels.
He instead somehow misperceives the current reality of a situation and blames, accuses and judges me during conversation.
I frequently interrupt these "you" statements and ask him to personalize his statements and also remind him of what actually happened and he blasts into rage fits telling me I don't respect him for not allowing him to cross a line/limit and boundary that I repeatedly try to put in place.
Im starting to feel crazy.
how do I keep the boundary and when it’s broken how do I redirect?
do I just sit and wait until he finishes these extreme perceptive thought patterns?
@helloThinker403
That's a tough one, for sure, Thinker. When someone fails to respect boundaries, it can definitely be super-frustrating. I love how you understand that "I" statements make having difficult conversations much more productive. Here's one idea of many possible: you could have a pen and paper nearby and quietly start taking notes, and if asked why you're doing that, let them know you are allowing them to vent and taking notes of the things and will think about it and respond to him as you are able, but you are not going to engage with him while you emotionally impacted by the words being said. Letting time pass and then coming back when things are calm can change the situation sometimes. It's never okay to have boundaries stepped on (or plowed through), and maybe if they can't get the reaction they expect it will cause them to re-think? I think writing down the hurtful things may give you both perspective, once things are calm and you can re-visit in those moments.
@helloThinker403 it will be hard trust me i dated someone with BPD didn't end well this was in 2016