Pressures due to my age
I turned 34 on January 12th. Ever since I was 28, I've been plagued by the feeling of a countdown, an inverted hourglass ticking away the time I'm supposed to consider myself young. Whenever a suitor proposes, it's easy to find fault with him: he's from a rural area and I'm from the city, or he's narrow-minded and I don't want that, or he's not handsome, and so on. But I know I'm just stalling because I want to feel love for the person I marry. Even if my married life is unhappy and full of responsibilities, at least I want to enjoy the engagement period with someone I can't wait to be with, and of course, that won't happen with an arranged marriage. Recently, a man who works abroad proposed to me, and he doesn't know if he'll settle there or if we'll return to live in our homeland. He's considered more handsome than all the men who proposed to me before, but I'm not comfortable because I simply don't feel anything. I'm not eager to see him, and I feel pressured every time I know I'll meet him. And when I do meet him, I don't know what to say. My mother speaks like Laurie Gottlieb in her book "Marry Him," a book I haven't finished because I felt like Gottlieb spent pages lamenting her missed opportunities with people she could have married by the time she turned forty. But when I think about myself and my past years, I can't imagine myself with someone I don't love, even if they love me. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I constantly feel guilty for not appreciating the other person's feelings. My mother tells me I'm getting older and my chances of having children are decreasing. I'm also afraid of being alone and of living like a child who never matured or accomplished anything. I really don't know what to do.
@DinaElwy
love happens sometimes slowly. Not based on looks and instant feelings. the person I married at first glance I was NOT impressed. It was only after getting to know them deeply that they seemed more attractive and shared feelings happened.
It may be harder in the arranged situation but being able to get along and mutual support. it is not a resume/ instant thing is.
@toughTiger6481 I don't know whether I should continue or not. I have always wanted a relationship that gradually develops from a superficial acquaintance to friendship to intimacy to love, but I cannot get through all these stages, and I am afraid that this may be my last chance.
@DinaElwy
Feeling under pressure and like you must make a quick decision makes it harder. it is not as time consuming as you think. if possible, sit down and have good conversations about vision of life and future listen closely for honesty and sincerity.
meeting each other on an emotional level and making a connection does not need a lot of time but if that emotional connection is not there or you lose it ... it is not easy to pretend and live unhappy.
Hey dear
I really understand that for women there is a particular time bound and also with time the pressure increases
But for few time just slow down as see yourself. And then look around
You will find every other person alone or struggling either they are Married or not married. The only person who will stay forever with you is going to be you
Be grateful for now and yes if you feel to meet people or have anything in your mind address it.
Yes the time is going and with time the more you address your emotions and leave your fear of being alone behind you will find so much good around you.
@DinaElwy Reading this it really sounds like you are carrying a lot of pressure from many sides at once your age family expectations and your own wish to feel real love are all pulling you in different directions wanting to feel excited and emotionally connected to the person you marry is not wrong at all it makes sense that you feel stuck when logic says one thing but your feelings say another it also sounds really hard to sit with guilt for not feeling what others expect you to feel that does not mean you are immature or ungrateful it just means you are trying to be honest with yourself you are not alone in feeling this way and there is nothing strange about wanting love and certainty instead of settling out of fear what do you feel scares you more right now being alone or being with someone you do not feel connected to
@Chirayuvora both of them scare me
@DinaElwy
Hi I am @cuddlySugar1501
I am so sorry to hear you have been under a lot of pressure with your family and your age,If you want you can speak to me in private to talk about how you are feeling and how you have been coping with the situation.It will be great to hear from you soon.
