Relationship done after 1 argument
I feel like I’ve been the problem ever since then and it was to late for me to realize that. I was reading a thread below that was describing me being manipulative, yelling getting into arguments and just not wanting to listen, it took me forever to realize that I was the problem and I wouldn’t try fixing it , i did try to but I wasn’t putting in the effort or try understanding how she was feeling. she has lost that spark between us and says she doesn’t love me no more. I just wish there was someone I could to talk to with the same problem as me, but give me tips to just understand what I’m doing wrong and how I could listen better. I feel like I’ve stressed her out so much, she’s under pressure and she made a choice without even thinking but I feel like it’s her word. I do think she’s done with me and she’s had the final straw but we are taking a break for a week and I just want to be able to win her back, but I’m already trying to change by doing online counseling and trying to setup a schedule in person as soon as possible. I just don’t even know if my apology will be enough and me to “surprise” her by heading back home if she even wants me back..
@Mlara124💜
@Mlara124
You have made progress in realizing what went wrong...
apologies may not work if she has heard them before... i know when a person has let me down again and again has not listened or was there for me ... I do not feel like giving them a chance to do it again.
In relationships Actions speak far louder then words. Talking with someone or therapy is good but it should be for your growth , your life not a gesture for anyone else. If you want to win her back if you feel there is a chance. Show her change .. show her improvement do not just promise or talk about it.
Example my partner was NOT listening. i mean he head nods and say yeah but could not repeat the general topic we spoke of... shows he does not care only pretends and thinks that is enough. each time this came up i heard "i will Listen and change" but NEVER happens.
A friend I speak with can repeat the discussion a day - a week later or when I talk of something they remember some detail that was connected months later.... this shows friend LISTENED and cares enough to engage / ask questions keep up a conversation.
@Mlara124 Hey. I appreciate you being real about all of this. It sounds like you’ve been doing some heavy reflecting and finally seeing how your actions affected her. That’s not easy to admit but it’s a big step.
You mentioned yelling, arguing, not listening and not really trying to understand how she felt. It sounds like she was carrying a lot and you’re only just now seeing it. That sucks but it’s also honest. A lot of people stay stuck blaming the other person forever. You didn’t.
Now you’re doing counseling and starting to work on yourself. That’s something. But I’ll be real—real change doesn’t come from one apology or a dramatic surprise visit. It’s in the boring stuff. Showing up differently, being consistent, and proving you’ve changed even if she never looks back.
When you talk to her again, let her talk. Don’t jump in to defend yourself or explain everything. Just sit with it. Listen properly. Say things like “I get it now” or “That makes sense.” Let her feel heard. That’s probably what she’s been needing from the start.
And yeah, don’t think of this as a mission to win her back. That puts pressure on her and makes it about you again. Instead, focus on being someone better and safer to be around. That’s what really matters. Whether she comes back or not, you’ll be proud of who you’re becoming.
Right now, she might just need peace. If you care about her, give her that. Let your actions speak without forcing anything.
@Mlara124
It sounds like you’re really owning up to a lot, and that takes courage. I can hear how much you care and how deeply this is affecting you. I’m really sorry you’re going through this—it’s heavy, but you’re not alone.
@Mlara124 It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on your part in what happened, and that’s not easy to face. You’re already taking steps with counseling and trying to change, which shows how much you care. I hear how much you want things to work out, and it’s okay to feel uncertain about what will happen we can talk through what’s been on your mind while you wait. Sometimes, as they say, ‘the first step toward change is awareness.’ And you’ve already taken that step.