Remnants of past hurt
Hi All! I hope you're staying sane in all of this madness. I guess I'm posting here because I needed some kind of outlet to make my fears known and just cast them off into the void.
I'll try not take too much of your time. Long story short my last serious relationship ended with me getting cheated on and it utterly destroyed me. I hurt for so long and have since worked extensively on improving myself. I haven't had any long term relationships since then, mostly little flings...until now.
I met an amazing woman at a party in early December and we've hit it off amazingly. We went steady in mid-February and the subsequent shelter-in-place order basically forced us to essentially "move in" together. I could gush about her endlessly but I'll save y'all from that. The point is that I'm really happy in this relationship and that scares the everliving shit out of me!
I'm into her. She's into me. I'm really happy, and now something about just how much it hurt when I got cheated on keeps fucking with me. I'm terrfied. Logically speaking, I'm secure in this relationship. We're great for each other and I have no reason to believe that she'll hurt me in anyway but I'm still so fucking scared.
I don't want to end up in a situation again where I'm fighting for a relationship with someone that is just trying to find a way out. I don't want to give my all to someone to who couldn't care less about me. Who is too chickenshit to just end things with me and just resorts to finding as many ways to hurt me until I'm the one who ends things. Who tells me she wants to work on things but is literally doing the opposite. There is literally no indication that my current partner would even dream of doing any of these things but oh my god I'm still so scared.
It's been two and a half years since she fucked me over, but I'm still so hurt by all of this and I hate it. I hate that she still has so much power over me. I hate that she hurt me like this and that I'm just now realizing how deep it goes. Yes I'm "over her" in the traditional sense but the scars are still there.
I understand where you coming from entirely, the phantom pain still exists even if the emotional ties of herself don't, I'm sorry for whats happened to you, a short term action can sometimes become longterm grief even without your focus on it, I'm glad you've found an amazing person currently! truly I am! wish you all the best, I would say don't give in to your headspace too much, let her know more so than you may already have about your fears, and that your willing to open up but not without time to show you more confidence in what you currently have.
@Wigglewurps