Seeking Advice.

@gabe41019

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

This guy and I have been sort of dating/ seeing each other for about a month and half going on two. I am a widow I lost my husband at the begining of the year. He is married has kids from that marriage, but his wife left him and moved to her home town with another man and the kids. Ever since my husband passed away I had been really depressed and I have been struggling to move forward from that. (Losing a loved one can be the most devastating things because of the grief it carries, sorry to hear about your lost) He has been struggling as well that his long life marrige ended badly after finding out that she was cheating on him for more than 4 months while they were still married. (This must had definetly hurt him really badly, and i have seen how cheating can impact self esteem and trust in others) Somehow the pain of our losses brought us together and we started building some sort of relationship from it. We enjoy eachothers company, sometime he talks about how he married the wrong person this whole time that he should of waited to meet me instead. He has even spoken about building a future with me having a family and sometimes he fantasize about how our life would be like if we were married. (This is definetly sweet of him, but he is coming on strong and he definetly needs to slow down. He is projecting a fantasy and unmet needs, you two barely know each other for him to be talking about a future)

Yesterday, I received the news that his wife is coming back to town. Seems like things didn't work out with the other man so now she wants to come back home. (This was really bound to happen, his wife comes across as selfish and looking for external love. The marriage wasn't working so she decided to cheat, and usually they comeback when things don't work out with the new person) As far as I'm informed he told me that she was going to live at her best friends house, but he's going to help her get back on her feet for his children. I understand he has to do what he has to do for his children I don't have a problem with that. My fear here is that I feel like once she comes back I'm going to loose him. (It's understandable you feel this way since he is married and there history with her) A part of me believes that he still has feelings for her no matter how much he denies it; I get it if he does she's the mother of her children right. I feel like our relationship its going go to go downhill... IDK. I know that when we started talking he called her and told her that he was seeing someone else. (This shows he is setting a boundary)

Two weeks ago I found out that someone told her that it was me (we know each other we were never friends like she never liked me for her own reasons) and she is not happy about it. (This is a sense of entitlement and selfishness she has. She cheated on him, and now is not happy he found someone else) Our relationship right now it's still a secret to everyone around us, we try to keep it in between us because we know that I just lost my husband and that he still married to her even though he tells me he's planning to get a divorce soon (yet no filing has been made). (How soon? a few months? years?. This is important information because you can't put your life on hold over this) The day who ever told her that he was with me she confronted him and he denied her that he was seeing me because we just trying to avoid all the drama of people talking more than what they should becuase in all this I'm the one that's going to look bad (I'm the lover) beacuse everyone forgets that the other one cheated and I'm the widow trying to make a life again. ANYWAYS....(I understand he is married and that you lost your husband. I get the sense you two are caring more about other people opinion, than what you two want and what makes you happy. Let's be honest, people will always talk positive or negatively whether you do the right or wrong thing. You have every right to do whatever you want with your life aslong as you are not hurting someone)

I don't know what to do honestly. I need to know all you guys think. I'll take any criticism the good the bad the worse idc. Should I talk to him and cut it out before she comes? (This comes from a fear of "Im not good enough, he might end up choosing her over me, so ill end it since im sure he will chose her". This is similar to fear of abadonment) Should we confront her and tell her hey we are together? (That's up to you and him, but he has done nothing about the divorce papers) After he sees her again is he going to feel soe type of way about her? (I don't think no one can give you this certainty, the only thing that can be done is being his best option) Is she going to try to win him over? (There's a high chance she will because she is lonely and craves connection, however it's all up to him now) (I'm pretty sure that's her plan cause she was sending him love songs yesterday). I need to know everything so I can prepare myself for w.e is coming. (I understand your mindset, however this is your way to gain control of uncertainty because for you it feels scary not knowing. The only thing that will help is being in the present and seeing how things develop. He would really need to set boundaries on her and get the divorce before entering a relationship.)