Should I get back with my ex?

@allmyfriendssecretlyhateme- only you know the true answer in your heart. Best of luck to you.

@allmyfriendssecretlyhateme

Yeah. I didn’t know what to do either. It sucks being in this place of not really knowing what to do, yet wanting to do something so badly. And at the time everyone seemed to be telling me what to do but not how to do it or why. And I didn’t want anyone to help because i was terrified of getting the wrong advice and they were terrified of giving it so it was like welp, now the eff do I do. Every day seemed like an eternity as I flopped around on trying to decide while not quite knowing how to be true to myself or anything. It all seems so urgent and yet when I take a few deep breaths...like now...and then pause...I realize nothing really urgent is happening. Maybe give that a try. Remember to always breathe first, THEN pause. Update me in a few days how things aren’t going. You got this, okay? Take care. Remember to take care!

@allmyfriendssecretlyhateme

In my exposure therapy I learned three techniques for calming myself and to reward myself after something challenging.

Maybe this is something you could do, with your ex? It’s free and you can do it alone or with an accountability buddy.

It’s called the ICAN program through the Strongest Families Institute.

Guided meditations, and visualizations are good too. I like Louise Hay, Tara Brach, Byron Katie and The Mindful Movement on YouTube.

Also helpful routines and rituals are good. I have a skin care routine and brush my teeth and floss twice a day and bath at least once a day with a nice bubble bath when I have access to one.

I also try notice my thoughts and do something daily or whatever that encourages that. So like taking a mini break from social media, doing my nails or hair or going walking or running errands without my phone is pretty helpful.

There could be some anxious - avoidant attachment issues present compounded by any historical or generational trauma.

Any questions about any of these shared insights?

@allmyfriendssecretlyhateme

Hiii one of the questions I'm sure we all ask ourselves at some point!

I used to always believe that exes are exes for a reason and for most parts I think that is still true.

However if you truly believe that there is still some solid and true emotion there that won't go away then its possibly something you need to think about reexploring. I would take a long hard think about why you guys broke up in the first place and see if it could happen again to hurt you.

Wishing you all the best in whatever decision you choose

Isa x

I know that everyone’s answer here has been long and complicated, but my gut reaction and instinct would be to go for it. If you don’t want to move on and you both still love each other and are willing to maybe even start over then why not? So I would go for it. But that’s just me.

Hello,

I know it’s hard going through and to miss someone that you’ve been with for so long. It’s easy to say I miss you, but have both of you talked about what will be different and how the two of you will work on things? Or you want to get back together because you miss each other? Think about it carefully, but I wish you the best on whatever you choice make.

@allmyfriendssecretlyhateme

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a very confusing time. I have been in a similar situation in my life and appreciate how challenging something like this could be. I can see how you both still care for one another and that you have made the effort to try and make this work. I think the same bravery that has you showing up to share this with us will serve you well in continued discussions. Have you considered other sources of support for the both of you as you navigate this? What do you feel might be some of your options here and have you discussed these with your partner? Regardless please recognize your ability to navigate this (you came here for help!). I’m sending you much love and best wishes. :)