Still in love with an ex!

This is a really weird situation to explain y’all but my boyfriend and i broke up in january (he didnt want a relationship) but explained he still loves and cares for me so much. We shared an apartment and he moved out and started sleeping over and has moved back in. I’ll he moving in with him and a parents to save $ soon. We get on really well but he can also talk to me like he doesn’t care. I cant afford to change my living situation so it is as is. A couple days ago i found he had been texting other women but when i asked about this, he denied it. He’s my best friend and I want to just have fun with him and get along but I can’t see him the same. How can you say you love someone and do this?

I’m really confused because i love and care for him a lot and don’t want to move on. I wanted us to work on ourselves and maybe get back together in future. He wants to stay close too. He said he doesn’t want a relationship bc he doesnt want to or can’t consistently do boyfriend like things, he doesnt want to cuddle all the time for e.g. i used to be really dependent and want to be loved so much that it was a lot for him.

I’m learning to be more independent and love myself but i really cant get over the fact he texted another girl very recently. He said he didnt want a relationship because we both aren’t giving eachother our best selves. It seems like he wants to keep me around because he does actually care but then i’m confused by him cheating and lying.

Also, i have pretty bad anxiety and so the thought of losing him makes me really scared. But its really hard to stay close with someone who doesnt want to be with you but also you dont want to let them go either