Subconscious ignorance?
I have been with this person for 1.5 years, of which we have been living together for 6months. It all started once we moved in together in Feb 2024, first he started telling me about his trip plans with friends 1 day before leaving. Then he would come back from the trip and apologise and make promises that it wouldn’t happen next time. But the pattern repeated multiple times after that. He lied to me about his real age for more than a year and I found it out in May 2024, then forgave him again after a lot of fights and apologies.
I think now that since we moved in together he has been trying to subconsciously sabotage the relationship by lying and being secretive and non communicative. In his last relationship, he broke up right after the girl asked him to move in together. I think he is afraid of losing his freedom with big steps of commitment, thus subconsciously ruining things. Not sure but I think it is because of his age, he is quite young and it’s fair to want to enjoy life more before settling down but I am not in that stage anymore. I want to settle down and have a family of my own.
@affableThinker2892
If he is not ready for a commitment and has done this before ....
it is not sub-conscience he knows what he is doing...playing both sides if he has you convinced he does not know why he keeps doing it ..... he does not have to be honest
IF thinks he can still have his freedom as long as you are buying into whatever he is peddling.... it will continue. i know it seems we can give a person time and this will improve or whatever but in reality he is wasting your time and playing with your feelings.
I am really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now, and it is completely understandable to feel frustrate. He repeated dishonesty, especially hiding his real age for over a year, has made it difficult for you to trust him.
You mention that he might be unconsciously sabotaging the relationship because of his fear of commitment, especially given his younger age. This is a valid concern. It seems like you are both in different stages of life, with different needs and goals, which has understandably put you into a difficult position.
You have already put in a lot of effort, which shows how much you value this relationship. I can see that you are hoping for some clarity from him about where things are headed.
Right now, it might be important to figure out if he is truly ready for a commitment or if he just need time to reflect and change, and do you both share the same vision for the future of this relationship. Have you thought about having an open conversation with him about where things stand?
@affableThinker2892
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be incredibly painful to feel like someone you’ve trusted and built a life with is being dishonest and unfaithful. Six months of living together is long enough to form deep connections and share intimate parts of your life, and it's heartbreaking to realize that trust has been broken. You might be feeling confused, angry, and hurt all at once, and that’s completely understandable.
It can also make you question your own self-worth, which is unfair because none of this is your fault. Being lied to by someone you love can shake your sense of security, and it’s normal to feel lost. Give yourself space to process these emotions. Lean on your friends, family, or someone you trust for support during this time—you don’t have to go through this alone.
It’s important to protect your peace and well-being now, even if that means making hard decisions. You deserve honesty, loyalty, and respect in a relationship. No matter what happens next, remember to put yourself first and know that it’s okay to walk away from a situation that’s no longer serving you. Take care of your heart—you’re worth it.
It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot in this relationship, and it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated and hurt. It must be tough noticing those patterns, especially after investing so much time together. It’s great that you know what you want for your future, settling down and starting a family is a big deal.
It sounds like he might be struggling with commitment, especially given his past. Have you had a chance to talk to him about how you’re feeling? It could help to clear the air and see if you both want the same things moving forward
@affableThinker2892
It sounds like there is quite a bit of uncertainty and frustration in this relationship, between all the patterns of dishonesty and lack of communication. It can't help but raise a bit of concern when you see hints your partner may not be all in, especially after being together for a long time.
It's also important to note that you may be on different timelines as far as commitment stages are concerned, wanting to settle down and have children, while he might still want to be in an independent stage. It might be that his past experiences and fear of commitment are driving him now, but both should be open about what they see in the future.
If you can, it might be worth considering actually having an honest talk about where you both see this relationship going and what each of you is going to need from the other from here on out. Your feelings and wants regarding the future are perfectly valid, but it's also important that you uphold your own desires.
@affableThinker2892 i am so sorry that you are going through this .
It sounds like there is doubt and frustration in this relationship, between all the patterns of lying and other problems .But i want you to remember that this is not the end . few things can take time to fix . this could be just one of those things . keep faith and try to have a good convo about what he wants and what you want together . both party needs to be brutally honest