Things I wish I could tell you..

I wish I could tell you how much I love you and how much I hate that you are becoming distant. As my teenage years crept up on me, we drifted and now I barely tell you where I am, or what I've done in school. I miss you mom. Even though you are in the next room, it feels like you are a million miles away.

Dear Universe,

Why can't I cry? Why can't I scream? Why can't I rage and burn and bleed? Yet I sit here, quiet, poised. Poised for you. I want tears to stream down my face. I want to feel my heart beat. I want to spill my secrets. I want to feel sunshine and air on all the parts of me. I want to storm. I want to show the tempest. I want to be the sun ray. I want to be soft arms around someone.

But you won't let me.

Why? Why can't I cry? Why can't I scream?

I wish I could tell you how much I love you....i m sorry I didn't know u already had someone else in your life.....if I had known I would have at least distanced myself from you....now all I can do is to wait for your occasional messages and hurt when you are with her....I wish I could hug u just once....i wish I could go away from you....for your sake because I know you don't feel the same way about me....n I m only adding pressure....i wish u would understand how much I love you. I wish you would be happy wherever you are....i love you

My dear,

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I'm sorry, it's not your fault. My depression in slowly eating everything I touch, and it's killing me. I can't come back to you. I'm scared, and I will only cause you trumbles. I know you're suffering, I want to tell you that I don't hate you. Please be happy, don't forgive me.

Hello my love

I wish you knew that I will never stop loving you, no matter what. I wish that you would never forget that. I love you with all my heart and even more and, even if you might not believe it anymore. I tried my best and it wasnt enough. Im not mad to you even after all you have done but im scared. Scared of losing you. Im scared of tomorrow and I dont know am i ready for it. I wish you understand someday.

ps. I love you

Dear mama,

I wish you and dad would stop fighting. Bad things happened, yes, but you have a chance to start anew. Whenever you guys fight, it feels like our family is going to break. I'm addressing this to mom to say admit that you have feelings, anxiety, and trust issues. Part of the reason we can never get past things is bc you act like you're innocent or right all the time. Bc you've been hurt, you think it's alright to push things. There is a breaking point. I don't want daddy to get to that point. More importantly, when you give us the silent treatment, it kills me inside. I feel like a horrible child, like I'm the root of all your problems, and just sad. Why can't we get past this?

Dear special sister,

We were only friends our first two years in school but we became sisters. It's been almost four years since we were friends, but it still hurts. I'm sorry I hurt you but at that point, I owed you nothing. Your actions and hurtful statements worked to keep me down. While I will always appreciate your concern at making me go to counselling when I didn't see that I needed it, I can't forget what you've done to me. Still, with all that's happened and the years that have gone by, I miss my sister and friend. I just wish we could talk again.

Dear ex,

I'm sorry I cheated. I'm sorry I didn't stop talking to him when you told me to stop. I'm sorry it took you talking to someone else to make me realize I was stupid for hurting you. My mentality was so messed up when you met me. I had horrible trust issues. So bad that when that night you told me you loved me and that I was your best friend, I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it just because I didn't think I would ever have someone good in my life. I feel so stupid. I hurt over him, and I ended up cheating on you with him. I remember when I was hurting over him I prayed to have someone good come into my life someday. And I did receive it. And when I had you, I didn't realize what I had in front of me, what I had prayed for. I don't know why I would do it. Like I don't know why I would keep talking to him. Up to now, I don't know. But I could tell you I don't have feelings for him. I just wish I could go back in time a tell myself to trust you. I feel so stupid. And I know I deserve this. It's crazy how you could think you've loved before but I didn't. I feel like you were truly my first love. And I know it doesn't make sense because of everything I did. I just love you so much. I would do anything and everything for you. And it's crazy because you would think that after I found out about the girl and you promised you would stop and you didn't, you kept it going for a month, I would walk away, specially because that is what I usually do. But no, I don't know what is holding me back even after you hurt me. I felt like at that point you were the one that kept intentionally playing with my emotions. And I get it. I just wish we could one day be together again. I just miss being with you everyday. It's so hard to move on from this, specially after living with you for a year. I mean, you were my only friend. I would only hangout with you, you were my priority. I just wish you could understand how sorry I am and how much I love you. And maybe it's too late to open up to you, but you will always be someone special to me. Always.

Dear psychiatrist, why you left me ? I know I'm such a mess, that I'm boring af, but I just want to know why...

I wish I wasn't so scared to talk about you in a negative light. You've done so much to hurt me and despite that, I was always there for you. You didn't care and all you did was put me down. I wish that just for once, you could see and accept the fact that I was the best girlfriend that I could be to you and I truly did love you with every fiber of my being. As mad as I am at you, I really hope you find someone who can give you what you want more than I could.