Things I wish I could tell you..
Mom, I wish you'd stop acting like i was okay because I'm not.I have been dealing with severe dpression and anxiety for the past five years. The reason I started self harming was beacause of what you let happen. Last week while you were at the store I was going to kill myself, but I couldn't do it because I didn't want you to find me. I wish you'd listen to me more and get me the help I need before I'm too far gone. I wish we had a better relationship, but we don't. And I don't think we ever will. I also need to let you know that the only reason I'm still here is because, no matter how miserable I am, I still try to hold on just so you will never know the feeling of losing a child.
Dear mom and dad,
I wish you knew how I feel so you could help me. I know it's my fault I hasn't told you. I'm sorry for being weird and unhappy and mad. I just don't know what to do anymore. I need your help.
Dear God,
I wanted to know why you hated me so much. You see, if you loved me you would've taken me out of my misery or maybe I wouldn't even be suffering. If you loved me like people say you do, then you would've made me pretty not this person I am today. If you loved me people would like me too, I mean you created my personality and I just I guess come off as annoying. I just want to know what did I ever do to you for you to hate me this much?
The days were I would stay up at night praying over and over for you to take away my pain you didn't. I would wish for you to take me away and you didn't. Why? Am I such a disgust of a person to go to heaven? I mean if you're my father, creator of the earth why do I have to stay here? why haven't I met you? Why don't I know what you look like?
I'm confused if you actually exist. I wish I could believe like I used to when I was a kid, but truly my faith has faded away and because of you and doubting your existence I am mad at myself so thank you for making me the person I am today. I truly hate it.
I think that's the real difficulty of faith. I still am finding myself completely doubting his existence despite the effort I put forth to him. But I learned to realize that without the challenges and mistakes that I've been through, I couldn't reflect and progress as I am now. I can simply conclude that you are a remarkable person inside and out just based on how you can express yourself. While it seems far too unbearable to be in the situations and hardships you are in now, just know that even if you feel like God isn't listening, I am, and he ALWAYS will be.
Sometimes I feel worthless....like im not good enough....I feel like no one understands me and when I try to talk about it to others its like my problems aren't that bad and it could be worst is what I'm told. I think about not being here I would be better off...then that would be selfish.. I cry all the time and I feel alone. Been dealing with this for 3years..
Dear everyone I know that loves me,
I know it's selfish to think about dying. I want you to know i won't kill myself tonight because I'm too much of a coward and I care too much about you. There's little to nothing that you can do about my feelings towards life, so you'll never know how hard I'm fighting, I'd never do that to you. I just wish I could suddenly cease to exist, that you would all forget I ever was someone and so you'd never know I was gone. But I won't. I won't and I thank you and curse you because you are the reason I won't be dying tonight.
I understand you..sometimes I want to just drive my care into a wall and end all ..but could never go thru with it.
Yeah, you know. It's so complicated in more than just one way and I hate it. I hope you get to feel anything better soon
My dearest God, thank You that I'm so lucky in several things. But now we threaten so much. I trust you that You give me what is the best for me and I know that you trust me infinitely. I'm so grateful because of that! But now please could you give a sign or a strong feeling that would give me peace? Thank you that You're for me.
I don't know what to believe anymore. And no one can tell me. I have to figure it out on my own, but I don't know how.
Dear J
I'm so sorry for not being able to trust you.
dear god
thank you for always being there for me
dear parents
why can't you see
I have been having problems lately... Or at least I think so. I have been cutting myself lightly fo about 2 weeks now, and I have tried to purge and limit my eating (doesn't really work) for almost 2 months. It gives me a thrill to do these things and I feel empowered when I do it. I don't want to punish myself for anything and I haven't experienced anything majorly badly in the past. I know its bad, but it just excited me so much. I can't tell anybody because I am scared of being send to a psychiatrist or a mental hospital. I am really scared of that because it would rob me of my freedom and my choices about my body.
So, yeah... That's about it, I just needed to get this out of my system without anybody being able to hold itt against me! Thanks for listening
Why would seeing a psychiatrist rob you of your choices?
I am scared of being put into a clinic and locked away if I tell them to much...
My experience has been that these professionals will not just override your choices. They are respectful. Also, being in a psychiatric hospital for a week or two can be a very positive experience. Does anyone else have an opinion on this? It's sad that you don't get the best help because you are so scared.
I know... A friend of mine was in a clinic once and is now seeing a psychiatrist and is very positive about it,I even visited her there during her stay, but it just scares the shit out of me...
It's me again. I miss you so much. I'm so scared, so tired, so sad. I can't do it. Please, come back to me, because I can't, you know. I love you so much, "eot"
I was very unhappy with my figure. Being a plus size women it was very hard to handle our self. I always blamed to god that why god you are doing this to me. Then one day I was surfing internet for plus size clothes then I got the casual plus. Here I saw lady's plus size, and after watching that site I got to know about the confidence in womens even they have plus size figure.Now, I am happy with myself.
Things I Wish I Could Tell You...
Thank You for reaching out to me. I can't tell you how much I love you guys for pretty much distracting me from thinking about how much I messed up life. I don't think about the hell hole I live in when I'm with you guys. Even though we don't know each other that well, you guys are already my best friends. I know we met like two weeks ago we all treat each other like we haven't seen each other in a year or two. That akward yet fun feeling. I want to be around you guys more and to me wanting more is one of the worst feelings in the world. I'm glad I found friends that make me happy and I'm glad I found friends like you two lovelies.
To two people I'll never forget <3
