Things I wish I could tell you..

I wish that people would understand that I'm feeling miserable right now. I love my daughter more than anything but I don't feel like doing anything. I wish people would notice how down I am

Dear mom and dad,

Neither of you ever tried to form an emotional bond with me. I feel so guilty cause I regret not forming it myself, but you should understand how difficult it is for a child to try and open up about what's bothering them when they know no one will listen. You are good parents, you took care of me and my brother properly and you never did anything bad to us, except not being there emotionally, cause you were always present (I'm only speaking for myself though, my brother seems to be very happy with you). You never talked to me about anything, I had to learn a lot of things by myself. I learnt to not cry in front of you cause you would just say a flat and unemotional "everything's going to be fine" and "I love you". I learnt to keep everything for myself and never breathe a word about all the things that are going on inside my mind. I learnt to pretend everything was okay and to smile when I wanted to smash my head against a wall. However, I still feel like I'm the worst daughter ever, just because you took care of me and never hurt me in any way other than this. I don't want you to try and talk to me now, this will sound ridiculously melodramatic but it's too late now. I just can't.

I really feel like killing myself, but don't worry, I'm too much of a coward to ever attempt suicide.

I hate you so much, but at the same time I love you.

Things I wish I could tell you...

Dad, what if I was a boy? Would you like me more? Ever since my brother is born you been pretty much ignoring me and avoiding me more than ever. would you let me do the stuff I wanted to do. And can you stop making comments about my clothes? every time you make a rude comment about my clothes I never want to wear that T-shirt or sweater again.I know I'm the oldest but seriously you don't come about my other sisters clothes. And please can you and mom stop verbal abusing me?

Mom, can you stop trying to fix me? I am me and you can't change me.I'm sorry you don't like me. Sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted. you verbal abuse me a lot. You are part of the reason why I have self image issues. You always ignore me like dad.

Can you both stop and realize your hurting me? To be honest I'd rather have not that good looking of parents that treat me nice instead of good looking parents that are faking love and are in it for sex and money.

Dear friend,

You bring happiness to me with your stupid jokes, and other little things, when your around I feel like a better, happier person. When your not around though I can't stop thinking about you talking behind my back, gossiping about me or just saying what I truly am when I'm not around. You make me happy when your around, but depressed when your gone I don't know if I can do this anymore, but I know I'm not strong enough to go without you, I'm just so lost, and always wonder why on earth you or anyone else would ever be friends with such a failure like me.

Dear, ex best friend that's trying to hang out with me again,

Just stop. Seeing you try is as hilarious as the time i got stuck in a kiddie swing when i still thought i was small enough to fit in it at 12 years old.

Love, your chicken sandwich buddy c;

Dear ex-friend,

Today at school our teacher suddenly pointed at me and said "Hey! Did you know she also likes Led Zeppelin?" and you just glanced at me briefly and ignored her comment.

How could you not know?

Last year, you were a weirdo to the eyes of our classmates, a freak, someone that should just be avoided (no one really had valid reasons to do those things to you, but they did nonetheless). You were sad, you even broke down and cried in the middle of Maths and everyone hated you more. But I was there. I was your friend. I laughed at your stupid jokes and stayed with you inside of the classroom in the breaks, and remembered your birthday and even bought a present for you with another friend of ours (yeah, the fucker who now ignores us both). But now, everything has changed. Somehow you managed to make friends (good for you) and you even talk to the girls with enviable ease. And you forgot about me. You fucking forgot about me. You flirt with that bitch in front of me and you won't even say hello when I enter the classroom? You are a fucking asshole.

The worst thing is that I don't even like you in that way, but for god's sake how can someone like you be so fucking inconsiderate? I get it, you got tired of me as everyone else does, but why couldn't you just approach me and say "Hey, you know what, stop talking to me cause now I have friends and I don't fucking need you in my life anymore. By the way, thanks for the CD and I'll start ignoring you from now on". That'd had been better.

I hate you so fucking much and I can't bring myself to feel guilty about wanting you dead.

Dear Pouie,

I miss you man.

Dear boy I still love,

I wish you wouldn't have lost your feelings for me. I wish you would stop saying "we we had wasn't love." I wish you could remember how although we made each other 49% sad, we were 51% happy. I want to tell you that I still love you. I want to tell you I'm always here for you, even though you've convinced yourself I'm not good enough. More than anything I want you to love me. Forever and always, remember? That's what you said. That's what you promised.

Dear mom and dad.

I'm sorry I couldn't be anything you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not loving you enough, for always making you worry about me... But there was always something wrong with me, since I can remember I feel like there's not really a purpose for anything. I do not care about myself, I do not care about the future. I do not care. I'm broken and I don't know if I'll ever get ok. It's painful for me to make you endure all my self destruction. I wish I had someone or something to make start to feel something but at the same time I don't know if I could endure bothering someone else. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.

dear ty,

i wish I could tell you how greatly you've effected me. I couldn't ask for a better person to be the one ive fallen in love with. letting you go has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done and I regret it everyday. I dream of holding you close once again, having our lips touch, sharing the same breaths, running my hands through your hair. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you without you looking at me differently. I know you have another girl in your life and I hope she treats you like the King you are, you mean the world to me, and if I can't have you I hope she gives you everything I was unable to give you. I love you.