Things I wish I could tell you..
Mom, I wish you'd stop acting like i was okay because I'm not.I have been dealing with severe dpression and anxiety for the past five years. The reason I started self harming was beacause of what you let happen. Last week while you were at the store I was going to kill myself, but I couldn't do it because I didn't want you to find me. I wish you'd listen to me more and get me the help I need before I'm too far gone. I wish we had a better relationship, but we don't. And I don't think we ever will. I also need to let you know that the only reason I'm still here is because, no matter how miserable I am, I still try to hold on just so you will never know the feeling of losing a child.
to everyone I love in my life,
i wish I could tell you what I'm going through right now. I wish i could tell you how I'm feeling. I wish I could make you understand how I feel. I wish I could make this pain go away. I wish I could find myself. I wish I could tell you to comfort me on my darkest of days. I wish I could tell you everything. But I'm too afraid of what you'll think of me. I'm too afraid of feeling exposed when your in my presence, knowing everything that I'm going through. But one day I hope you'll comfort me when I come out to you all....
Things I wish I could tell you...
That every time you've seen my 'poker face', there were so many emotions behind and so much affection. Hope you figured out at least some of my thoughts. And that you know and think sometimes about all of this. 
Mom, my relationship with E is not nearly as serious as I've been saying. I don't have as many friends as you think.
E, I want to be more serious. I want to be yours. I want a normal, functioning relationship.
Dear Mom,
You've always avoided telling me certain things about your schizoaffective disorder. Are you afraid that if you tell me that it will happen to me, too? I wish I knew how you thought of things. After many years of wrong diagnoses and wrong medications you seem so hollow. You aspire for this dream of being able to be a person and try so hard but crash again and again because you can't handle society for that long. I think that you think I don't see what happens to you. I wonder if you even understand it at this point. I wonder if the great mountains of obstacles and stress and my panic disorder resurfacing will trigger my mania. I wonder if it already has the other day when I felt like I was in a dream and didn't understand where I was. I made my boyfriend not take me to the hospital because I was afraid of what they'd say or do to me. If they would misdiagnose me too. If it was a fluke and whatever they gave me would mess me up. He cried and I didn't tell you because I know you would worry and talk about it all the time. I'm worried about my relationship. You asked if I'm serious about him and I am but I don't think he can handle this. Sometimes he gets frustrated and thinks I'm being overdramatic like some teenager. I'm 24 and overwhelmed by full time school and full time work and my roommate can't pay her half of the bills. You want to just save me but you can't even help yourself. If you knew I cried from stress you would be here everyday. But instead of all this you ask me how I am and I reply "fine".
Maybe it is all overdramatic, though. All I know is that I need help. I wish I could go to you, Mom.
-H
That you hurt me so bad too...
♥
Dear Mum,
Here are a few things I wish you knew.
I'm not okay. When I told you that I want to leave this place, I didn't mean this town, I meant this world. I'm sorry, but there is no pretty way to tell you I want to die.
When I say I can't focus on studying, I'm not saying I'm in love or bored. It's the thoughts that keep me unfocused. The thoughts of sadness, madness and death. I want, with every piece of my heart, to die. I want to stop the pain. But I don't want you to think that my sadness is your fault. I promise it's not.
I'm sexually fluid. There, I said it. I know you wouldn't approve. I don't even approve it, but I can't change the truth.
The truth is that I'm not perfect. I'm not beautiful or talented or interesting. I don't have the life inside me. I'm dead inside. Empty.
The "stabbing around my heart" and being unable to breathe aren't thyroid problems, it's anxiety, Mum. You have no idea how stressed I feel for a new tiny human. Sometimes I feel too small to feel all these things, but it's possible, Mum. It's possible to be dead, but breathe.
I'm scared, Mum. I don't think that I'm going to survive another year feeling like this.
-M, your highly imperfect daughter.
@Accio5353 Oh Accio, this post just touched me so deeply. I wish for you to be able to talk to your mother and for her to understand you, I wish it with all my heart. Please don't be silent any longer. Whatever her reaction, and however imperfect you feel yourself to be, there is aliveness on your horizon. I deeply trust that a new tiny human being that feels as much as you do right now will one day be filled to the brim with that exhilaration that comes with being a flawed fighter. Reach out. You deserve it.
If you really love me, why dont we just get together again and be very happy like we used to be? Why do you always have to screw it up with me ? Don't fucking ignore me the whole day And call me At night to tell me I love you! Meet my fucking friends and let me fucking meet yours. Tell me about your personal life. Tell me about the fight you had with your dad. Call me when you wake up. Call me when you're tired. Call me when you're happy. Call me when you're sad. Call me at midnight and tell me Im down stairs. Kiss me to shut me up. Kiss me and tell me that you love me. Hug me and never leave let me go. Small talk is for birds.
I miss you and I really love you.
regards
@Ririboubou What you just said so perfectly reflects my life. Smalltalk really is for birds.
If you really love me, why dont we just get together again and be very happy like we used to be? Why do you always have to screw it up with me ? Don't fucking ignore me the whole day And call me At night to tell me I love you! Meet my fucking friends and let me fucking meet yours. Tell me about your personal life. Tell me about the fight you had with your dad. Call me when you wake up. Call me when you're tired. Call me when you're happy. Call me when you're sad. Call me at midnight and tell me Im down stairs. Kiss me to shut me up. Kiss me and tell me that you love me. Hug me and never leave let me go. Small talk is for birds.
I miss you and I really love you.
regards
There's this girl from college that i really like. I wish i could tell her how i feel. It's been 8 years since i last saw her and i recently found her Instagram account. She still makes my heart skip a beat. Only problem is, i'm also a girl...
